Setting here watching my hubby play with our youngest child, our baby girl. She is such a blessed gift. I still find myself in shock at times that she is here.
  You see it's been a long battle to get her here. Back in 2006 we decided it was time to add one more child to our family. After a year of trying I finally got pregnant. At 18 almost 19 wks. My doc realized there was no heart beat. So on Jan. 11, 2008 Dillion was born into heaven.We considered not trying again. My heart was broken. This was not the first child we lost. We had 4 children already. I had lost one many yrs. before. Before the birth of our oldest. We also lost a little boy at 19 almost 20 wks. pregnant on Dec. 7th, 2002. Before we had had our youngest son. But we decided to try one more time. I got preg. again and lost the baby as fast as I found out I was pregnant for sure. I lost the baby at 6 wks. Then we decided to try again. It was not easy. I myself refused to lose hope that we would get pregnant again and this one would make it. In 2009 I got pregnant again. I went in for my 17 week check up. The baby was so active they could not get a heartbeat. But I had a strange feeling something was wrong. That appointment was on a Friday. They told me to come back Monday to check for a heartbeat. Saturday I felt no baby movement. Sunday I felt no baby movement. I went in that Monday praying that what I suspected just was not so. But they tried for 20 mins. to get a heart beat. No heart beat. I had going through labor with 2 of my former loses.They didn't want me to have to go through another if not need be. So I had her by D&C. The thing is the pain of labor I now know actually helped me get through those loses a little easier. It was something for me to hold on to. Also the ones I delivered I got to hold and say goodbye to. So on September 29, 2009 we said hello and goodbye to Danika (a baby girl). Once again we considered giving up. But we refused once again to lose our faith in God. So In 2010 I got pregnant again. Everything seemed to be going fine. I was getting ready for my 1st visit to a specialist. They did my first Ultrasound at 17/18 wks. I thought the baby was fine. But as they started the ultrasound they discovered something that even shocked them. The baby had passed. They told us he passed just in the past 24 hrs. I told my hubby never again. I felt broken more and more each time. Once again I went through 12 hrs. of  labor to have a baby that was not going to be alive. After 12 hrs of labor. I felt a pop like I had with the others I had delivered so small and in such away. I yelled for the nurses thinking the baby had come. But both nurses looked at me in shock and just said no it's not the baby. They quickly got the doctor in there and right before he came in the room the baby came out. He tried for 20 mins. to get the placenta out. It was the most painful thin I had ever felt. I had no idea why at the time they were trying to avoid a D&C to get the placenta out. I kept passing out. They in the end decided they had no choice but to do a D&C. They told my hubby that they could not keep me awake. They told him I was hemorrhaging and things were not looking good. For 2 hours he feared I may have passed away. I made it through but we both decided that it was not meant to be. That we would always feel that whole in our hearts; Like our family was not complete. Because for some reason we still felt like our family was meant to have 5 children. On June 10, 2010 we said hello and goodbye to Austin. Not once in all those deliveries did Ia sk for pain meds. I wanted to feel all the pain. It's hard to explain but I needed the pain to have something to hold on to that was connected to our little ones.So we agreed no more babies.
  Then something inside of us in 2011 in October one night told us to put it in God's hands. I prayed afterwards to God. I asked him only let this happen if this one is going to make it. I told God I can't go through another loss. Looking back now My hubby and I realize a few things. For one we were not ready for another child especially financially back then. We have spent the last few yrs. Getting ourselves out of debt.
  This last pregnancy was loaded full of test, shots,2-3 ultrasounds every week. A few hospital stays. Some close calls that we thought we were going to lose her. We discovered early on in the pregnancy that the placenta was to small and the cord was not working right. She stopped growing for a short time. For most of the pregnancy I was put on bed rest. I was put on weekly shots to prevent me from going into labor to soon.
At 39 weeks I was to be induced. But the day before labor started. After going back to the hospital and sent home several times, they finally decided to keep me. I wasn't in hard labor yet. But was to be induced in the morning and they feared with my history something could go wrong in the night. Well they were right.A few mins. before 11 the contractions suddenly got very painful. So the nurses checked me. They we like you are 8 cm. dilated and we feel digits. They called the doctor. All I heard was we feel digits. She had been head down for 4 wks. now! I was like how could this happen. I also heard she's hemorrhaging . They told me I had to have a c-section. I was so scared. I have a history of GERDS so they had to give me meds to deal with that so I would not get sick during the c-sections. The meds made me sick instead. My hubby has issues with well certain situations. So going into the OR with me was not a possibility. But the anesthesiologist was amazing. He stood by me and got me through the entire thing. When Vyanna came out I was so scared. She didn't cry for a few mins. Failed her 1st tests. Then suddenly she cried. It took time but she became more alert.
  We had a scare when she was about a wk. old discovering that she had been born with some probs with her umbilical cord and it had going into her kidneys. But she fought hard just like she did in the womb. She is a strong girl. So far she shows no signs of any of the delays they feared she might have. Actually she is showing quiet the opposite. She smiled at 2 days old. Laughed 1st time at 1 mth. old. Rolled completely at 2 1/2 mths. Started holding a bottle at 4 mths. old. Started crabbing the spoon out of my hand and putting it in her own mouth at 5 mths. old.started giving kisses at 5 1/2 mths. old.
  Our other children adore her. I will never forget the ones we have lost. Forever I will be a mother of 11 children. Five who are here and 6 who God needed in heaven. I now understand as hard as it was to lose the ones we lost it was all for a reason. God knows better than us what is for the best.
  Every time I look at our baby girl Vyanna I am amazed and feel so blessed that God has given us one more child to bring up in this world. For me if I do nothing else with my life but be the best mom and wife I can be that will be enough. For I now understand what a blessed gift it is to have my family that God has brought into my life.
  God also shortly after Vyanna's birth reminded us as a family that even bed things can be a blessing in disguise. When Vyanna was in the hospital with her infections at a week old one of the nurses in pediatrics told my hubby about a job in the hospital. My hubby checked into it and now has worked for the company for almost 5 mths. It's a much better paying job. It also has hrs. that means he can spend more time with our children.

   The one thing I hope others get from this is that children are a blessed gift that could be going tomorrow or could of never been given to us in the first place.To make the most of every day they are here with us. Also to remember this. Our children our not just ours. They are a gift from God. They are his first. That we should spend every day thanking him for the honor that he chose us to raise and love even one of his children.