Life lesson, thought,experiences, and more: Was inspired to write this today Kids compla...

Life lesson, thought,experiences, and more:  
Was inspired to write this today    Kids compla...:   Was inspired to write this today       Kids complaining about how hard they have it today. I agree with some things yes they have ...

 

Was inspired to write this today

 

 

  Kids complaining about how hard they have it today. I agree with some things yes they have gotten much worse. The dangers out there have unfortunately increased But I have been out of High School going on 21 yrs. soon. We had dress codes back then too. It was pretty much the same one Hanover has now in the last few years of my High school education. We also had rules we had to obey.  In actuality I think they are a lot easier on Hanover High School kids in that way when it comes to rules. I mean compared to the rules and punishments we faced if we broke those rules. Also like I always tell my kids I was loaded down with homework and studying to do every night. Plus started doing some type of work outside of school from about the age of 10. That is on top of the nightly chores our parents had been making us do since we practically started to walk. If I made the mistake of ever saying to my parents I'm bored they would find another chore for me to do. When we had to do research we had to go to the library. There was no internet to get on and research everything.
   I think every generation has things that they feel sucks for them.  I remember being a kid and thinking mom you can't understand. Like she never had to deal with the same crap I did as a kid. She did and now that I am older I realize that. She had a rough childhood too. When my daughter's say to me mom you just don't get it. I constantly tell them I was a teen girl with all the same problems than some. I was the girl that did not fit in at school. But I also did not fit into my family. My kids have been told and know all to well what my childhood was like. How I felt as a teen that I could not escape any mistreatment matter where I went. Well, at least not until I turned to God for help. At school I was bullied and treated like I did not fit in. Like because I didn't follow the crowd I was not okay as I was. Eventually around the age of sixteen I went from refusing to change to please people to: This is who I am I don't care what you think.
  For me when other kids thought partying was cool and drugs were fun I did not. Not the kind of partying most my peers or kids even close to my own age seem to think was fun. I had been seeing every day of my life since the day I was born the results of drugs, drinking alcohol, and even smoking can do. I grew up with brothers who had addictions in these areas. Some who if they read this now still would not admit it. I started to see at a very young age that the party when choosing to party in that way did not last. That is had the opposite effect. Since then I have continued to see it in loved ones lives. I myself made a conscious choice that I would never walk that rode. I learned young there is other ways to enjoy life.
  My escape when I was younger was faith in the end. Before that I was an emotional wreck. But faith slowly through the years would be what completely cured me of the damage the abuse and all the junk I went through growing up. It is what cured me of feeling so alone.
    At the end of the day we all an pick things in our childhood matter what generation that we did or do not like. Yes, bullying has gotten out of control in schools. What amazes me is the kids that complain because of simple dress codes or school rules of any sort. the reality is we needs rules/laws are the world would become more chaos than it is now. Even adults have rules. Most people even have a dress code to follow at work. In the adult world when you don't follow a dress code time and time again on a job you can lose your job. The most kids usually get done to them when dressing inappropriate at school is detention and/or told to turn the shirt around.  So my response to kids would be who have a loving parent or two enjoy your youth. Because we all have rules we have to abide too. Just as adults we are held more accountable and the punishments tend to be steeper. Also remember as a child you are responsible for much less than you will be in the adult world.
  Reality is as much as one may thing their life sucks in the here and now. They need to think about the fact that things could be worse. There are kids that have it much worse. So look at your own life matter where you are in life and realize if you are blessed to have a roof over your head, loving people in your life even with the bad ones, and food to eat you have much more than some people could ever dream of in this world. I even realized when I was an abused child that there is always someone who ahs it worse. But that everything in life happens for a reason. That even the bad God an use. For me he left me born into a family that already had tons of issues and allowed me to go through what I did because he knew I would come out of it stronger and to be the person I am today. The mother who broke the chain of abuse in our family. the woman who lets other children vent to her and will speak for them to others for help when they fear to do so. The women who can speak from experience of how that lost abused, bullied, and confused child feels. The women who can show by her own life that there is a life after being a victim. That there is light at the end of the tunnel and some day if they walk the right path they will no longer be a victim but a survivor.

 

NOT MY DAUGHTER

 

 

   I'm sitting here thinking I never thought one of my daughters would be facing this. For 3 yrs. my 15 yr. old girl called a friend her girl friend. But for the last yr. my daughter contemplated how to end the relationship.

    Just a few days into her 9th grade yr. this yr. she comes home one day so  happy. The happiest I had seen her in a long long time. She told me the girl broke up with her. She told me she finally felt free. A few weeks later my daughter get s new girl friend. A few days later she tells me her ex is dating another girl. So it seems all is well they both are moving on. If only that were true.

    Here we are several weeks after the break up and a lot has going down. This girl has going from  slightly possessed with my daughter to over the top. We had suspicions something was not right when they were dating. But hen the break up happen at first we though well maybe we were wrong. But since than this girl has kept on finding ways to place herself back in my daughter's life. She has tried to get me to break my daughter and her current girlfriend up. This girl also claims that her now girlfriend is abusing her. But we question the marks that we have seen she could of done to herself. They seem mild and almost like hesitant marks. Like someone hit themselves hard enough to let a slight mark but nothing major. She showed my daughter a pic of a supposed hurt neck but was only slightly red in the pic. When my daughter saw her the next day there was nothing on her neck. The girl and her mom claim she went into the hospital for a suicide attempt  do to all the abuse but yet they left her leave that night. Which I know for a fact no way  they would do that. I  mean through things I have witnesses the mother is messed up too. She is falling for her daughter's crap too . Her daughter has lied to her mom quiet a bit about how intense and close she ever was to my daughter. 

    The daughter definitely seems to have a border line personality I would say but I admit  I am not a professional on such issues. The term thou I have found for what she is feeling towards my daughter is Fatal Attraction Syndrome. If she does have this she could be very dangerous. She has said things like I will love you forever, no one else can have you, if I can't have you no one can, without you I will hurt myself. My daughter has problems of her own as it is and does not need this. No one  needs this.

  We are now at the point that we are removing our daughter from public school because of the danger we believe this girl could be and the mental harm she has already done to our daughter. We have to make sure that our daughter gets the help she needs to deal with all this. We also need to make sure out daughter is kept safe. Her school can no longer guarantee that they can do so. So she will be cyber schooled most likely for the remainder of her High School education. We have left her school know we are done with this.

  It was bad enough alone when the school was lacking on giving our daughter a decent education as it was. But now this. Her father and I are done with all of this. we are fed up. We also both agree this girl could be very dangerous and we need to do whatever it takes to make our daughter safe again.

  My heart is breaking tonight. But first I will start from the beginning. Almost 21 yrs. ago. On Jan 2nd 1993 actually I learned that me and hubby were going to become parents for the first time. First we were excited. Then the fears came. Will I be a good mother. Will I be able to provide what she needs. Also there was the fear of childbirth. 2 months into the pregnancy I fell at work. Everything seemed fine. A few months later I got an ultrasound done. Doc told me everything looked fine. If only than I would of known how bad of a doctor he was. Her birthday came. It would in later years prove to be my shortest labor ever. 5 1/2 hrs.It would of been 5 but had to wait for the doctor to get there. From the moment she was born something just did not seem right. Her's and my doctor told me I was just having first time mom jitters. So did most the nurses. I kept questioning her breathing. It didn't seem right. She was breathing to heavy and to fast. Right before I left the hospital one nurse whispered to me, "Your right something is wrong". She said to keep a close eye on my daughter. I was very frightened but over time her breathing seem to straighten it self out. But still there was more wrong. She would scream and cry for hours on end. Doctor said colic of coarse. He kept on saying colic for over 2 yr. But when she was a yr. old our doctor dropped a bomb on me. Now looking back while I still had proof I should of sued. He informed me that my daughter was born with immature lungs. He knew this when she was born but kept it to himself. I was shocked and angry. I
 soon after found a new doctor. It took yrs. for someone to listen to me. I realized when she was about 2 yrs. old that she was having seizures. But no one would listen. I would hold her in my arms and she would cry for hours. She would hold her head and say it hurts. She would hold her tummy and say it hurts. Then sometimes she would vomit. No one but my mom, hubby, would listen. At 7 yrs. of age she had 2 grand mals(she rarely had those types at that age or up till that point ) She had them at school in front of a teacher. Finally they tested her. The test came back she has seizures but no tumors, no blood clots, nothing like that. through testing over the yrs. They saw that she started out having 24 seizures a day all from one side of the brain. They said they never will know for sure if it explains my daughter mental disorders. They tried one med after another. At one point we though Dilaton was helping. But we were wrong she was getting worse.  She was having 48 seizures just at night in her sleep and they had spred to the other side of her brain too. Docs were telling us she was going to die. That she would not make it to her 13th birthday. We prayed a lot. It wasn't easy keeping faith but it was all we felt we had. Through the yrs. it has been discovered Amber has 5 different types of seizures. At 14 they found a med that helped Depakote ER greatly lessoned them. In time she became seizure free for a few yrs. thanks to her meds. YES, she lived past 13 yrs. of age. She now had seizure again in the past yr. But not as much as she once did. She has a list of other medical problems too. Some do to her epilepsy. She has tremors from the yrs. of seizures messing up her nerve system. These tremors are so bad she randomly drops things quiet often. But she as of August 31, 2013 celebrated her 20th birthday. She has the mind of a 7/8 yr. old child. But in some ways because of what she has been through she has had to rely quiet a bit on faith and hope. She is very wise when it comes to faith. She says if this takes her from this world she will go be with God and he will make her well. That she will wait there and when we see her again she will not be sick.
   In Amber's life time she has had eye surgery on both eyes for lazy eyes, autism, intellectually challenged, anemia, gerds, when she was much younger an eating disorder, OCD, surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed, panic and anxiety attacks, almost lost her a few times along the way.
     Now today after a yr. almost of fighting one throat infection after another we have been informed she may have Cancer. We were warned a long time ago if she ever got it, chemo would most likely be impossible. It would make her seize like crazy. We are praying that it is something else. If it is cancer she will be in for a fight. From what we have been told their first option would be surgery.
  I sit here thinking she has to beat this. She will beat this. I can't imagine life without her. I know that if the worse does come about she will be with God, her other siblings (lost while pregnant), and my dad who was saved before he died and asked for forgiveness from us all. But I can't allow myself to think of life without her. Without seeing her or hearing her. I have to remain strong and keep the faith. Right now faith, hope and each other as a family is all we have.
  If your are readying this please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts. Please ask others to pray for her. Our family has seen/lived the power of prayer. So please help us plead to God as we put this in his hand. To do as he knows best. Thank you, and God Bless.

     
                                                           THE WORD "NO"

  Yes, I am writing about the word no today. Sometimes it can be the hardest word to say to someone. Other times it can be the hardest word to hear. Why did I decide to do this blog on this. Well honestly I was thinking about how many times I've had to work up the courage to say no in times when it felt like it might be the hardest thing in life for me to do. Also because I know  2 young ladies right now that seem to be having trouble saying that to someone else.
  In my life time I had to stand up to several abusers and say no. I was young and scared. But had no one else to do it for me. I for many yrs. could not do this. The first abuser was someone who took my innocents away against my will. I was but a baby I have learned when he first did it and too this day he feels no shame in what he did. It was not easy to stand up to him and say no. I was scared and confused. I didn't understand how a family member I loved could do this to me.At one time I was even led to believe it was the norm. But as I got older I learned it was not. I felt I could not tell my parents. I was on my own. So when he came to me that last time I as a little girl yelled no and ran. I never left him alone near me again.  A few yrs. later another young man started to do the same to me but I feared him. He would make threats and I did not know what to do. But in time I found the strength to say no. It was not easy I knew he might not except the no and it might of meant a battle. Fortunately my no came with the strength to stand up for myself and the warning, "hurt me again and you will never be able to hurt me another time after that". He was shocked and scared because I was no long that shy frightened little girl who was going to just take it. Than there was my dad. He put me through yrs. of abuse. Finally at the age of 20 when he last tried to hit me repeatedly one more time I said 'NO". I fought back and said no more. I told him how I felt and that I was a human being and did not deserve to be treated the way he was treating me. I said no more to abuse that day. I made a decision there and then that no one was ever going to abuse me ever again. That from here on out I would take a stand and say "NO".  For the first time in my life I was a survivor. No longer a victim.
  Through the yrs. I have learned to speak up for myself. To say 'NO" to be victimized. I found the strength through faith and from deep within. I realized that yes there was help out there and if saying no alone would of not brought it to an end I would of went and seeked help. But in reality to not be a victim any longer I had to find the strength to stand up for myself.
   No, truly can be the hardest word one ever says.But it can also be the strongest weapon As a parent I don't want to be constantly saying no. But t needs to be said at times. Sometimes mom and dad know better than the child what is best for them. They may not want to hear mom and dad say no. But mom and dad know it is the better choice.
   In life there will be many times one will be in a situation to choose the bad choice or the good choice so many times people choose the quickest easiest way out. But in truth sometimes the hardest choice winds up be the better choice. In the long run it even makes things easier. So it is okay to say no to the bad choices.
  It's not always easy to say "no, I won't allow you to hurt me". But in the end once you have it can give you strength and power that you never thought you could or would have.
  We all have the right to say no when ever we want to. No one has the right to pressure us into anything. No one can if we stand up and say "NO", No More", So if you are being hurt by another take a stand. In reality no one else can do it for you. No one else can make all your problems of being abused go away until you take a stand. Yes they can make the abuse stop. But I have learned that part of the healing process is finding the courage to say no.