Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Thinking of Love Ones
Sitting here remembering the Christmas Eves and Christmases we use to have when I was a kid. Back before my father passed so many years ago. It's hard to believe but coming this April my dad will be going 17 yrs. For most of my young life my dad was not the best father a lot of the time. He was rough and abusive on all us kids but our one brother. But there were moments he was the complete opposite and that side of him was an amazing. He never said he loved me in this life. But he did say a yr. and a half before his death that he knew he had failed me as a father. The fact that he started to realize this before he died I know was a precious gift. I remember being angry when he past and confused. Part of me was glad he as gone and could no longer hurt anyone especially my mom. But another part of me when I left it in came to miss him. I miss him tonight. Matter what anyone says about my dad and their are loads of bad things they can say about him that are true. But matter what they say I now know more than ever my dad was the rock that held our family together. For today I very rarely see my brothers. Only if in passing. Mostly if the few who still talk to my mom show up at my mom's house at the same time. I still can't believe after the loses he has had himself that my one brother still will not talk to our mother or most of the rest of us.(He only bothers with one of our brothers) I miss my brothers and my dad. Life is a precious gift that can be taken away at anytime. When our mother is going it will be to late for I'm sorrys or to spend time with her. Anyone of us could be going tomorrow actually. No me and mom don't always agree. Mater a fact most the time we don't agree. She is great at getting under my skin. But we only have one mother. I love her with her good and her bad. I'm disappointed in my brothers and have no idea how they really feel about me at this point. Well, since they refuse for us to socialize or talk as a family. But I know they have not learned some of the lessons I have in life. So matter what I will always love them. Even the ones who abused or hurt me in the past. I forgave such things a long time ago. Life is to short to hold grudges. So mater if they love me or not I will always love them. Personally I think is it time we take that closet with so many skeletons in it and just blow it up. It is time to move on and let go of the crap from our childhoods and our past. Time we all stop judging each other. We all have something we did in our past that we shouldn't have. We all won't agree on everything. We don't have to. Trust me as a mother of 5 myself I have learned there is no way a family so big is going to agree all the time.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
My Love Story
Story of how me and my hubby became to be a couple.
It was a few days before June 15th 1990 I remember. I was laying out in my back yard before I had to go to work. My dad yells for me. Tells me my mom is calling from work. I get to the phone first thing she asks me is how I feel about going out with a friend of her's son? I asked a few questions like what's his name, and how old is he? She tells me a little about him. I say yes.
Now comes the night of our first date. My mom is thinking, I later learn they will be good friends in the end nothing more. He pulls up in front of our house driving a loud black Camero. Me thinking "What the hell did my mom sit me up with". Well, he knocks on the door I answer and bring him inside to meet my dad. He already knew my mom. He goes to shake my dad's hand when my wonderful brother Jeff steps in between them. Jeff shakes Kevin's hand but while doing so he says these exact word's to Kevin, " I am Sandy's big brother Jeff, You fuck with her I'll fuck with you. Jeff left for Germany right after that practically.
Our first date Kevin was like no guy I had ever met. He was almost 4 yrs. older than me. He was amazing. Very respectful and never tried to over step any bounds. We talked for hours. When the date was over and he dropped me off my mom was waiting at the door hoping we hit it off as friends but nothing more. Was she in for a shock. When she asked me how did it go I told her I think I found my future husband.
The very next night we had out second date. I then knew I was in-love. By the end of the second date we were inseparable. I went home and told my mom he was the one I was going to marry. She thought young love. It would pass. She hoped.
For the first month of dating if I wasn't working we were together or talking on the phone. after 1 month of dating he popped the question(Will you marry me?) I said yes. Neither of our mothers were happy about the engagement. Said we were to young and rushing things. I said I was in-love and knew what I wanted. He said the same. I promised them I would graduated High School first before we actually got married.
So for the next 2 yrs. basically we dated and had a long engagement. We had up and downs. Close breakups. Breakups that lasted a day then we would get back together. In June 1992 I graduated High School. The following Monday I started a new job. That follow weekend we broke up. Never really figured out why fully.
But later on the break up and time apart would prove to be the best thing for our relationship. You know absence makes the heart grow fonder sort of thing. First 3 weeks. I worked, didn't eat, and cried myself to sleep every night. Then I started dating around and hanging with friends too. I started doing my best to move on. I knew there was a part of me that would always love him. But knew I had to move on.
Then it happened September I had a rare night I had nothing to do. The phone rings. My mom answers. Then gives me the phone. It's Kevin. He was wondering if we could be friends. He asks me to meet him somewhere. I decide yes.
We meet and talk. I find out more about why he walked out on me or at least some of it. See his mom never liked me. My mom never thought he was good enough to marry me. Neither did my brothers. All this built up and he thought maybe it was impossible for us to make it work.
As we sat in the car we worked it all out. We both realized we were very much in-love. A week later we were engaged again.
We had to tell our parents. His mom at first said I was not allowed in her home. But that lasted like a week. My mom was not happy at all. My dad after us being back together a little over a month gave me money right in front of my mom. Said go make your wedding plans. Gave Kevin his full blessings. My dad told my mom to butt out of our relationship. That we would be celebrating our 50th Wedding Anniversary someday. My DAD! He had never been there for me through anything. None of my parents really had. My dad said,"that we are in-love and the real thing. It all shocked me. Two weeks later we got married in a small church in Maryland.
My mom still gave it a year at the most. His mom on our wedding day said she now knew we loved each other. That we were willing to risk losing our families to be together. And we were.
As for our marriage we have had our ups and downs. All marriages do have their problems. We also have had a close call with my life too. Which made us even stronger. We have had a lot of things we have been through together that either make or break a relationship. They have made ours stronger.
So here we are almost 23 1/2 yrs. since the day we met. 5 living children and 6 angels in heaven later and more in-love then ever. I tell people our secretes are communication, never letting anyone not even our children come in between our relationship, and being each others best friends. My hubby isn't real good with showing his emotions but yet we still find away to make it work. We are just the right fit. My weakness tend to be his strengths and the his weaknesses tend to be my strengths for one. On things we come out equal on or disagree on we meet in the middle and work things out. We walk away when mad and calm down. We made a rule that we only once ever broke too when we got married. We will never go to bed angry at one another. We do not sleep until it is worked out or at least we agree to disagree and work on working it out. We never go to bed mad at one another. Now days that is saying a lot too. He works 3rd shift. So we sleep most days at separate times.
I will never tell anyone and then it was happy ever after. Fairy Tales only exist in story books and movies. This is real life. In real life marriage and relationships of all sorts take work if they are going to survive and stand the test of time.
It was a few days before June 15th 1990 I remember. I was laying out in my back yard before I had to go to work. My dad yells for me. Tells me my mom is calling from work. I get to the phone first thing she asks me is how I feel about going out with a friend of her's son? I asked a few questions like what's his name, and how old is he? She tells me a little about him. I say yes.
Now comes the night of our first date. My mom is thinking, I later learn they will be good friends in the end nothing more. He pulls up in front of our house driving a loud black Camero. Me thinking "What the hell did my mom sit me up with". Well, he knocks on the door I answer and bring him inside to meet my dad. He already knew my mom. He goes to shake my dad's hand when my wonderful brother Jeff steps in between them. Jeff shakes Kevin's hand but while doing so he says these exact word's to Kevin, " I am Sandy's big brother Jeff, You fuck with her I'll fuck with you. Jeff left for Germany right after that practically.
Our first date Kevin was like no guy I had ever met. He was almost 4 yrs. older than me. He was amazing. Very respectful and never tried to over step any bounds. We talked for hours. When the date was over and he dropped me off my mom was waiting at the door hoping we hit it off as friends but nothing more. Was she in for a shock. When she asked me how did it go I told her I think I found my future husband.
The very next night we had out second date. I then knew I was in-love. By the end of the second date we were inseparable. I went home and told my mom he was the one I was going to marry. She thought young love. It would pass. She hoped.
For the first month of dating if I wasn't working we were together or talking on the phone. after 1 month of dating he popped the question(Will you marry me?) I said yes. Neither of our mothers were happy about the engagement. Said we were to young and rushing things. I said I was in-love and knew what I wanted. He said the same. I promised them I would graduated High School first before we actually got married.
So for the next 2 yrs. basically we dated and had a long engagement. We had up and downs. Close breakups. Breakups that lasted a day then we would get back together. In June 1992 I graduated High School. The following Monday I started a new job. That follow weekend we broke up. Never really figured out why fully.
But later on the break up and time apart would prove to be the best thing for our relationship. You know absence makes the heart grow fonder sort of thing. First 3 weeks. I worked, didn't eat, and cried myself to sleep every night. Then I started dating around and hanging with friends too. I started doing my best to move on. I knew there was a part of me that would always love him. But knew I had to move on.
Then it happened September I had a rare night I had nothing to do. The phone rings. My mom answers. Then gives me the phone. It's Kevin. He was wondering if we could be friends. He asks me to meet him somewhere. I decide yes.
We meet and talk. I find out more about why he walked out on me or at least some of it. See his mom never liked me. My mom never thought he was good enough to marry me. Neither did my brothers. All this built up and he thought maybe it was impossible for us to make it work.
As we sat in the car we worked it all out. We both realized we were very much in-love. A week later we were engaged again.
We had to tell our parents. His mom at first said I was not allowed in her home. But that lasted like a week. My mom was not happy at all. My dad after us being back together a little over a month gave me money right in front of my mom. Said go make your wedding plans. Gave Kevin his full blessings. My dad told my mom to butt out of our relationship. That we would be celebrating our 50th Wedding Anniversary someday. My DAD! He had never been there for me through anything. None of my parents really had. My dad said,"that we are in-love and the real thing. It all shocked me. Two weeks later we got married in a small church in Maryland.
My mom still gave it a year at the most. His mom on our wedding day said she now knew we loved each other. That we were willing to risk losing our families to be together. And we were.
As for our marriage we have had our ups and downs. All marriages do have their problems. We also have had a close call with my life too. Which made us even stronger. We have had a lot of things we have been through together that either make or break a relationship. They have made ours stronger.
So here we are almost 23 1/2 yrs. since the day we met. 5 living children and 6 angels in heaven later and more in-love then ever. I tell people our secretes are communication, never letting anyone not even our children come in between our relationship, and being each others best friends. My hubby isn't real good with showing his emotions but yet we still find away to make it work. We are just the right fit. My weakness tend to be his strengths and the his weaknesses tend to be my strengths for one. On things we come out equal on or disagree on we meet in the middle and work things out. We walk away when mad and calm down. We made a rule that we only once ever broke too when we got married. We will never go to bed angry at one another. We do not sleep until it is worked out or at least we agree to disagree and work on working it out. We never go to bed mad at one another. Now days that is saying a lot too. He works 3rd shift. So we sleep most days at separate times.
I will never tell anyone and then it was happy ever after. Fairy Tales only exist in story books and movies. This is real life. In real life marriage and relationships of all sorts take work if they are going to survive and stand the test of time.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Black Friday Forgetting the true meaning of CHRISTmas
Such behavior makes me ashamed to call myself American I think at first then I read more and am like more like ashamed to be part of mankind:
http://www.itv.com/news/2013-11-29/black-friday-marred-by-violence-and-arrests/
http://nypost.com/2013/11/29/cop-shoots-shoplifter-near-chicago-amid-black-friday-chaos-others-hurt-around-country/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/29/black-friday-violence_n_4360899.html
http://www.examiner.com/article/black-friday-2013-black-eye-friday-as-violence-mars-annual-shopping-frenzy
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2013/11/29/black-friday-police-violence/3783467/
http://www.itv.com/news/2013-11-29/black-friday-marred-by-violence-and-arrests/
http://nypost.com/2013/11/29/cop-shoots-shoplifter-near-chicago-amid-black-friday-chaos-others-hurt-around-country/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/29/black-friday-violence_n_4360899.html
http://www.examiner.com/article/black-friday-2013-black-eye-friday-as-violence-mars-annual-shopping-frenzy
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2013/11/29/black-friday-police-violence/3783467/
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Life lesson, thought,experiences, and more: Was inspired to write this today Kids compla...
Life lesson, thought,experiences, and more:
Was inspired to write this today Kids compla...: Was inspired to write this today Kids complaining about how hard they have it today. I agree with some things yes they have ...
Was inspired to write this today Kids compla...: Was inspired to write this today Kids complaining about how hard they have it today. I agree with some things yes they have ...
Was inspired to write this today
I think every generation has things that they feel sucks for them. I remember being a kid and thinking mom you can't understand. Like she never had to deal with the same crap I did as a kid. She did and now that I am older I realize that. She had a rough childhood too. When my daughter's say to me mom you just don't get it. I constantly tell them I was a teen girl with all the same problems than some. I was the girl that did not fit in at school. But I also did not fit into my family. My kids have been told and know all to well what my childhood was like. How I felt as a teen that I could not escape any mistreatment matter where I went. Well, at least not until I turned to God for help. At school I was bullied and treated like I did not fit in. Like because I didn't follow the crowd I was not okay as I was. Eventually around the age of sixteen I went from refusing to change to please people to: This is who I am I don't care what you think.
For me when other kids thought partying was cool and drugs were fun I did not. Not the kind of partying most my peers or kids even close to my own age seem to think was fun. I had been seeing every day of my life since the day I was born the results of drugs, drinking alcohol, and even smoking can do. I grew up with brothers who had addictions in these areas. Some who if they read this now still would not admit it. I started to see at a very young age that the party when choosing to party in that way did not last. That is had the opposite effect. Since then I have continued to see it in loved ones lives. I myself made a conscious choice that I would never walk that rode. I learned young there is other ways to enjoy life.
My escape when I was younger was faith in the end. Before that I was an emotional wreck. But faith slowly through the years would be what completely cured me of the damage the abuse and all the junk I went through growing up. It is what cured me of feeling so alone.
At the end of the day we all an pick things in our childhood matter what generation that we did or do not like. Yes, bullying has gotten out of control in schools. What amazes me is the kids that complain because of simple dress codes or school rules of any sort. the reality is we needs rules/laws are the world would become more chaos than it is now. Even adults have rules. Most people even have a dress code to follow at work. In the adult world when you don't follow a dress code time and time again on a job you can lose your job. The most kids usually get done to them when dressing inappropriate at school is detention and/or told to turn the shirt around. So my response to kids would be who have a loving parent or two enjoy your youth. Because we all have rules we have to abide too. Just as adults we are held more accountable and the punishments tend to be steeper. Also remember as a child you are responsible for much less than you will be in the adult world.
Reality is as much as one may thing their life sucks in the here and now. They need to think about the fact that things could be worse. There are kids that have it much worse. So look at your own life matter where you are in life and realize if you are blessed to have a roof over your head, loving people in your life even with the bad ones, and food to eat you have much more than some people could ever dream of in this world. I even realized when I was an abused child that there is always someone who ahs it worse. But that everything in life happens for a reason. That even the bad God an use. For me he left me born into a family that already had tons of issues and allowed me to go through what I did because he knew I would come out of it stronger and to be the person I am today. The mother who broke the chain of abuse in our family. the woman who lets other children vent to her and will speak for them to others for help when they fear to do so. The women who can speak from experience of how that lost abused, bullied, and confused child feels. The women who can show by her own life that there is a life after being a victim. That there is light at the end of the tunnel and some day if they walk the right path they will no longer be a victim but a survivor.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
NOT MY DAUGHTER
I'm sitting here thinking I never thought one of my daughters would be facing this. For 3 yrs. my 15 yr. old girl called a friend her girl friend. But for the last yr. my daughter contemplated how to end the relationship.
Just a few days into her 9th grade yr. this yr. she comes home one day so happy. The happiest I had seen her in a long long time. She told me the girl broke up with her. She told me she finally felt free. A few weeks later my daughter get s new girl friend. A few days later she tells me her ex is dating another girl. So it seems all is well they both are moving on. If only that were true.
Here we are several weeks after the break up and a lot has going down. This girl has going from slightly possessed with my daughter to over the top. We had suspicions something was not right when they were dating. But hen the break up happen at first we though well maybe we were wrong. But since than this girl has kept on finding ways to place herself back in my daughter's life. She has tried to get me to break my daughter and her current girlfriend up. This girl also claims that her now girlfriend is abusing her. But we question the marks that we have seen she could of done to herself. They seem mild and almost like hesitant marks. Like someone hit themselves hard enough to let a slight mark but nothing major. She showed my daughter a pic of a supposed hurt neck but was only slightly red in the pic. When my daughter saw her the next day there was nothing on her neck. The girl and her mom claim she went into the hospital for a suicide attempt do to all the abuse but yet they left her leave that night. Which I know for a fact no way they would do that. I mean through things I have witnesses the mother is messed up too. She is falling for her daughter's crap too . Her daughter has lied to her mom quiet a bit about how intense and close she ever was to my daughter.
The daughter definitely seems to have a border line personality I would say but I admit I am not a professional on such issues. The term thou I have found for what she is feeling towards my daughter is Fatal Attraction Syndrome. If she does have this she could be very dangerous. She has said things like I will love you forever, no one else can have you, if I can't have you no one can, without you I will hurt myself. My daughter has problems of her own as it is and does not need this. No one needs this.
We are now at the point that we are removing our daughter from public school because of the danger we believe this girl could be and the mental harm she has already done to our daughter. We have to make sure that our daughter gets the help she needs to deal with all this. We also need to make sure out daughter is kept safe. Her school can no longer guarantee that they can do so. So she will be cyber schooled most likely for the remainder of her High School education. We have left her school know we are done with this.
It was bad enough alone when the school was lacking on giving our daughter a decent education as it was. But now this. Her father and I are done with all of this. we are fed up. We also both agree this girl could be very dangerous and we need to do whatever it takes to make our daughter safe again.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
My heart is breaking tonight. But first I will start from the beginning. Almost 21 yrs. ago. On Jan 2nd 1993 actually I learned that me and hubby were going to become parents for the first time. First we were excited. Then the fears came. Will I be a good mother. Will I be able to provide what she needs. Also there was the fear of childbirth. 2 months into the pregnancy I fell at work. Everything seemed fine. A few months later I got an ultrasound done. Doc told me everything looked fine. If only than I would of known how bad of a doctor he was. Her birthday came. It would in later years prove to be my shortest labor ever. 5 1/2 hrs.It would of been 5 but had to wait for the doctor to get there. From the moment she was born something just did not seem right. Her's and my doctor told me I was just having first time mom jitters. So did most the nurses. I kept questioning her breathing. It didn't seem right. She was breathing to heavy and to fast. Right before I left the hospital one nurse whispered to me, "Your right something is wrong". She said to keep a close eye on my daughter. I was very frightened but over time her breathing seem to straighten it self out. But still there was more wrong. She would scream and cry for hours on end. Doctor said colic of coarse. He kept on saying colic for over 2 yr. But when she was a yr. old our doctor dropped a bomb on me. Now looking back while I still had proof I should of sued. He informed me that my daughter was born with immature lungs. He knew this when she was born but kept it to himself. I was shocked and angry. I
soon after found a new doctor. It took yrs. for someone to listen to me. I realized when she was about 2 yrs. old that she was having seizures. But no one would listen. I would hold her in my arms and she would cry for hours. She would hold her head and say it hurts. She would hold her tummy and say it hurts. Then sometimes she would vomit. No one but my mom, hubby, would listen. At 7 yrs. of age she had 2 grand mals(she rarely had those types at that age or up till that point ) She had them at school in front of a teacher. Finally they tested her. The test came back she has seizures but no tumors, no blood clots, nothing like that. through testing over the yrs. They saw that she started out having 24 seizures a day all from one side of the brain. They said they never will know for sure if it explains my daughter mental disorders. They tried one med after another. At one point we though Dilaton was helping. But we were wrong she was getting worse. She was having 48 seizures just at night in her sleep and they had spred to the other side of her brain too. Docs were telling us she was going to die. That she would not make it to her 13th birthday. We prayed a lot. It wasn't easy keeping faith but it was all we felt we had. Through the yrs. it has been discovered Amber has 5 different types of seizures. At 14 they found a med that helped Depakote ER greatly lessoned them. In time she became seizure free for a few yrs. thanks to her meds. YES, she lived past 13 yrs. of age. She now had seizure again in the past yr. But not as much as she once did. She has a list of other medical problems too. Some do to her epilepsy. She has tremors from the yrs. of seizures messing up her nerve system. These tremors are so bad she randomly drops things quiet often. But she as of August 31, 2013 celebrated her 20th birthday. She has the mind of a 7/8 yr. old child. But in some ways because of what she has been through she has had to rely quiet a bit on faith and hope. She is very wise when it comes to faith. She says if this takes her from this world she will go be with God and he will make her well. That she will wait there and when we see her again she will not be sick.
In Amber's life time she has had eye surgery on both eyes for lazy eyes, autism, intellectually challenged, anemia, gerds, when she was much younger an eating disorder, OCD, surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed, panic and anxiety attacks, almost lost her a few times along the way.
Now today after a yr. almost of fighting one throat infection after another we have been informed she may have Cancer. We were warned a long time ago if she ever got it, chemo would most likely be impossible. It would make her seize like crazy. We are praying that it is something else. If it is cancer she will be in for a fight. From what we have been told their first option would be surgery.
I sit here thinking she has to beat this. She will beat this. I can't imagine life without her. I know that if the worse does come about she will be with God, her other siblings (lost while pregnant), and my dad who was saved before he died and asked for forgiveness from us all. But I can't allow myself to think of life without her. Without seeing her or hearing her. I have to remain strong and keep the faith. Right now faith, hope and each other as a family is all we have.
If your are readying this please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts. Please ask others to pray for her. Our family has seen/lived the power of prayer. So please help us plead to God as we put this in his hand. To do as he knows best. Thank you, and God Bless.
soon after found a new doctor. It took yrs. for someone to listen to me. I realized when she was about 2 yrs. old that she was having seizures. But no one would listen. I would hold her in my arms and she would cry for hours. She would hold her head and say it hurts. She would hold her tummy and say it hurts. Then sometimes she would vomit. No one but my mom, hubby, would listen. At 7 yrs. of age she had 2 grand mals(she rarely had those types at that age or up till that point ) She had them at school in front of a teacher. Finally they tested her. The test came back she has seizures but no tumors, no blood clots, nothing like that. through testing over the yrs. They saw that she started out having 24 seizures a day all from one side of the brain. They said they never will know for sure if it explains my daughter mental disorders. They tried one med after another. At one point we though Dilaton was helping. But we were wrong she was getting worse. She was having 48 seizures just at night in her sleep and they had spred to the other side of her brain too. Docs were telling us she was going to die. That she would not make it to her 13th birthday. We prayed a lot. It wasn't easy keeping faith but it was all we felt we had. Through the yrs. it has been discovered Amber has 5 different types of seizures. At 14 they found a med that helped Depakote ER greatly lessoned them. In time she became seizure free for a few yrs. thanks to her meds. YES, she lived past 13 yrs. of age. She now had seizure again in the past yr. But not as much as she once did. She has a list of other medical problems too. Some do to her epilepsy. She has tremors from the yrs. of seizures messing up her nerve system. These tremors are so bad she randomly drops things quiet often. But she as of August 31, 2013 celebrated her 20th birthday. She has the mind of a 7/8 yr. old child. But in some ways because of what she has been through she has had to rely quiet a bit on faith and hope. She is very wise when it comes to faith. She says if this takes her from this world she will go be with God and he will make her well. That she will wait there and when we see her again she will not be sick.
In Amber's life time she has had eye surgery on both eyes for lazy eyes, autism, intellectually challenged, anemia, gerds, when she was much younger an eating disorder, OCD, surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed, panic and anxiety attacks, almost lost her a few times along the way.
Now today after a yr. almost of fighting one throat infection after another we have been informed she may have Cancer. We were warned a long time ago if she ever got it, chemo would most likely be impossible. It would make her seize like crazy. We are praying that it is something else. If it is cancer she will be in for a fight. From what we have been told their first option would be surgery.
I sit here thinking she has to beat this. She will beat this. I can't imagine life without her. I know that if the worse does come about she will be with God, her other siblings (lost while pregnant), and my dad who was saved before he died and asked for forgiveness from us all. But I can't allow myself to think of life without her. Without seeing her or hearing her. I have to remain strong and keep the faith. Right now faith, hope and each other as a family is all we have.
If your are readying this please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts. Please ask others to pray for her. Our family has seen/lived the power of prayer. So please help us plead to God as we put this in his hand. To do as he knows best. Thank you, and God Bless.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
THE WORD "NO"
Yes, I am writing about the word no today. Sometimes it can be the hardest word to say to someone. Other times it can be the hardest word to hear. Why did I decide to do this blog on this. Well honestly I was thinking about how many times I've had to work up the courage to say no in times when it felt like it might be the hardest thing in life for me to do. Also because I know 2 young ladies right now that seem to be having trouble saying that to someone else.
In my life time I had to stand up to several abusers and say no. I was young and scared. But had no one else to do it for me. I for many yrs. could not do this. The first abuser was someone who took my innocents away against my will. I was but a baby I have learned when he first did it and too this day he feels no shame in what he did. It was not easy to stand up to him and say no. I was scared and confused. I didn't understand how a family member I loved could do this to me.At one time I was even led to believe it was the norm. But as I got older I learned it was not. I felt I could not tell my parents. I was on my own. So when he came to me that last time I as a little girl yelled no and ran. I never left him alone near me again. A few yrs. later another young man started to do the same to me but I feared him. He would make threats and I did not know what to do. But in time I found the strength to say no. It was not easy I knew he might not except the no and it might of meant a battle. Fortunately my no came with the strength to stand up for myself and the warning, "hurt me again and you will never be able to hurt me another time after that". He was shocked and scared because I was no long that shy frightened little girl who was going to just take it. Than there was my dad. He put me through yrs. of abuse. Finally at the age of 20 when he last tried to hit me repeatedly one more time I said 'NO". I fought back and said no more. I told him how I felt and that I was a human being and did not deserve to be treated the way he was treating me. I said no more to abuse that day. I made a decision there and then that no one was ever going to abuse me ever again. That from here on out I would take a stand and say "NO". For the first time in my life I was a survivor. No longer a victim.
Through the yrs. I have learned to speak up for myself. To say 'NO" to be victimized. I found the strength through faith and from deep within. I realized that yes there was help out there and if saying no alone would of not brought it to an end I would of went and seeked help. But in reality to not be a victim any longer I had to find the strength to stand up for myself.
No, truly can be the hardest word one ever says.But it can also be the strongest weapon As a parent I don't want to be constantly saying no. But t needs to be said at times. Sometimes mom and dad know better than the child what is best for them. They may not want to hear mom and dad say no. But mom and dad know it is the better choice.
In life there will be many times one will be in a situation to choose the bad choice or the good choice so many times people choose the quickest easiest way out. But in truth sometimes the hardest choice winds up be the better choice. In the long run it even makes things easier. So it is okay to say no to the bad choices.
It's not always easy to say "no, I won't allow you to hurt me". But in the end once you have it can give you strength and power that you never thought you could or would have.
We all have the right to say no when ever we want to. No one has the right to pressure us into anything. No one can if we stand up and say "NO", No More", So if you are being hurt by another take a stand. In reality no one else can do it for you. No one else can make all your problems of being abused go away until you take a stand. Yes they can make the abuse stop. But I have learned that part of the healing process is finding the courage to say no.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Living life and loving it. Been busy lately. My lap top is down right now and just getting it sent out to get fixed. Borrowing someones at the moment.
The lesson I have recently learned recently is how hard it is having kids grow up. I raise my kids that I don't worry so much when they are out in the world as adults. It's just they turn 18 and you find you have even less time with them than you did when they were teen kids. The reality that you have kids to raise them for 18 yrs. then they go out and live their own life and aren't around all that much has hit me recently. I am glad to see my son out living his life. I remember being 18 and always on the go. My soon to be 20 yr. old doesn't and never has been one to run around. But my 18 yr. old son does. My advice to moms and dads enjoy your children while they are children because the time flies by in a blink of an eye. Enjoy the good with the bad, the bad with the good. They will be grown and out of the house before you know it and you will wonder where the time has gone. Also don't get lost along the way raising them. Don't lose yourself. I found myself doing just that many yrs. ago. Thank goodness I realized it before kids started leaving the nest. Because someday all my babies will be raised. I am a Stay at home mom. I have learned to find things I like to do and make time for them and me. So when my children all have left the nest I will have me still intact. I will have some idea where to go from there.
Take a class here or there. Find a hobby. Get active. It's okay to have a life outside your kids at times too even when they are growing up still. Just learn how to balance it.
So realize you are a mom/dad but you are more than that. You are a sister/brother, son/daughter, wife/husband, friend, career person, and so much more and you have a right to be. For in the end you will not always have little ones running under your feet and will need to have a life of your own.
The lesson I have recently learned recently is how hard it is having kids grow up. I raise my kids that I don't worry so much when they are out in the world as adults. It's just they turn 18 and you find you have even less time with them than you did when they were teen kids. The reality that you have kids to raise them for 18 yrs. then they go out and live their own life and aren't around all that much has hit me recently. I am glad to see my son out living his life. I remember being 18 and always on the go. My soon to be 20 yr. old doesn't and never has been one to run around. But my 18 yr. old son does. My advice to moms and dads enjoy your children while they are children because the time flies by in a blink of an eye. Enjoy the good with the bad, the bad with the good. They will be grown and out of the house before you know it and you will wonder where the time has gone. Also don't get lost along the way raising them. Don't lose yourself. I found myself doing just that many yrs. ago. Thank goodness I realized it before kids started leaving the nest. Because someday all my babies will be raised. I am a Stay at home mom. I have learned to find things I like to do and make time for them and me. So when my children all have left the nest I will have me still intact. I will have some idea where to go from there.
Take a class here or there. Find a hobby. Get active. It's okay to have a life outside your kids at times too even when they are growing up still. Just learn how to balance it.
So realize you are a mom/dad but you are more than that. You are a sister/brother, son/daughter, wife/husband, friend, career person, and so much more and you have a right to be. For in the end you will not always have little ones running under your feet and will need to have a life of your own.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
I am writing this post at around 4:00 a.m. I'm writing it now because while laying in bed attempting to fall back to sleep after being awaken by my young baby girl I felt inspired. I believe inspired by God.
I just suddenly out of nowhere found myself thinking about how so often we tend to sit back and judge others. How many times has a person sat back and judged another person for the way they live their life, for choices they have made, or/and for things they have done. But in truth none of us are perfect. We all have sinned. We have all done wrong in the eyes of God for one. We all fall short of what God asks of us. There is no one that is perfect in any way. We all have made mistakes and no doubt will make some throughout our lives. There will be times in each and everyone of our lives and has been if we look back on our own lives that we made bad choices.
But also in truth not everything one does as a human is going to be okay with everyone. What is important is rather or not it is right with God. If God is okay with you doing it than what another person thinks does not matter. For in the end there is not one person that can say they have all the answers to life or what will work for all God's people. For not all in life is simple.
Also the next time you think to judge another remember this you may not know their entire story. You may even think you do but do you really? Can you feel what that person feels or have you walked a mile in their shoes?
Even as my former post spoke of bad parenting I in truth am not out to judge. But rather to say as parents we should look inside ourselves when our kids are repeatedly showing bad behavior. All of us parents should ask ourselves did we do something wrong. Did we do something that could of caused or encouraged this. Then if by facing the truth we find we have to take at least some if not all the blame. We need to ask ourselves what are we going to do about it. What are we going to do to fix the mistake.
The same should happen in our lives each and every day in everything in our lives. So often we tend to want to find blame. But not in ourselves. But in others.
I read posts on sights online. I listen to the news, read papers, magazines, etc... A lot of what I see is everyone blaming everyone else for the way the world is today. For the condition America is in today. But I can't help but wonder when are we going to look at ourselves and say could I be part of the problem.
I hear people say they took God out of schools. No, they did not, not fully. We as a nation did to a point. But the reality is this. I went to a school where I was told I was not allowed to pray. Did that stop me, no. God never said you had to pray out loud every single time. You do not need to use your mouth for God to hear. Think it and God will hear it. So what's to stop us from teaching our children to do a silent prayer to God.
Something I read all the time is insult after insult about people who use what many now call entitlement programs. Many are guilty of grouping all these people together. Assuming that all are lazy people who do not want to work. Which is not true. Many are hard working Americans who have given up their pride to do what ever they can to feed and cloth their children and themselves. Many did not plan on hard times coming down on them. They work but it just is not enough. Some can't work. They would like to not be disabled and some even tried to work but just could not. Some never planned on having a child or 2 with disabilities that caused one of the parents to have to be home at all times. Life does not always go as planned. Some may say well why does God let these things happen to these people. For one I believe God has his reasons. Some we may not understand. But faith means believing he has good reasons that he knows better than us.
At the end of the day a person's true value is not how much money they are worth but who they are inside.
I ask that each person reading this instead of judging a person struggling to get by offer to help them. Even if it is just in a small way. Offering to be a free babysitter for a poor mom who could and would work if she had someone to help out with the kids while she worked. Don't judge even if her own wrong choices got her in such a bad way. For we all make mistakes. But I ask of you to instead do what you can to help her and her children. To help her find her way out of the bad situation she is in. Show her that good people do exist still today. Just maybe your good deed will inspire her to do something to change her life and later on down the road inspire her to help another.
We in America have become a nation of what is in it for me. We need to become a nation of what can I do for my neighbor again. Maybe you don't have a lot yourself but still you can do for others. It doesn't always take money to help others. Hold a door open for someone, offer to clean a busy love ones house for them, offer to watch a loved ones or neighbor's child(ren) while they work or go get the groceries. Offer someone you see going hungry food. Give your old clothes, blankets, etc to someone who may need them when you no longer have use for them. Speak up for someone who you know is being harmed but for some reason does not have the voice to do it for themselves.
Yes, part of America's problem is our politicians. At this point it seems they all lie. Most we feel we no longer can count on them at all. Not one of them to keep any promises they make. But we need to remember this is a nation that was found by the people for the people. It is going to take us too. Us meaning the people who live in this land to pull together. To stop saying it's all the politicians fault, it's the poor people's fault, it the rich peoples fault. We need to each look at ourselves. I'll admit I gave up on voting because I do not believe that anyone in politics today is going to make a real difference. They seem to all say what they think the majority want to hear and once in office won't or/and can't follow through. But even if it is true that no one in politics is going to make a difference anymore. Well, that is not an excuse for us as individuals to give up otherwise on each other.
We each may not all share the same beliefs but that does not mean by helping each other we can't make a change. We can. If we want to fix our country, if we want to fix this world we each need to look inside ourselves and ask what can we do to make a difference.
Also for those reborn children of God who are reading this. It's time we realize something for those who have not at this point. You can not force your beliefs or God's word/ways on anyone. Take it from someone who has been on the other side. I have always believed in God but here was a time in my life that I thought he hated me and did not believe in me. No one could convince me otherwise. Only God could reach me in his time. No one trying to force his word or ways down my throat ever managed to reach me.
Another thing we need to stop doing is arguing over God's word, what they say and mean. In truth I have come to realize what they may mean for one in some situations they may not mean for another. God has his reasons I believe why that is. Yes, a good bit of his word means the same for all but some it depends where they are in life. You can not force a new reborn child in God to come to your understanding of his word if you have been a reborn child of God for years. Their just not ready or mature enough in God yet to be at the same place. Especially if that person has yet to go through things that will show them God's way.
So let's as God's children say how can I help and what can I do different so the mistake I made that effected another or myself can be fixed. Or how can I be a good example to others. We're not perfect. We will all fall short and at moments find ourselves judging again. But I pray that when that happens we each hear that voice of God's whispering in our ear telling us it is only his place to judge. When Jesus walked this earth did he not preach and sit among thieves, murders, prostitutes. So instead of preaching in other faces and judging lets us do as Jesus would no doubt want us to do. Lead by example. But remember along with that never try to be more than what you are, human. Be open and let those around you know that you know you are not perfect and you will fall short sometimes. Admit when you know you made a mistake. Let go of your pride and never be above admitting or saying, "I did wrong, I made a mistake and for that I am truly sorry".
As I admit now I have been wrong about some things in the past. For those reading this if I have ever said or done anything that hurt you in anyway I am truly sorry!
I just suddenly out of nowhere found myself thinking about how so often we tend to sit back and judge others. How many times has a person sat back and judged another person for the way they live their life, for choices they have made, or/and for things they have done. But in truth none of us are perfect. We all have sinned. We have all done wrong in the eyes of God for one. We all fall short of what God asks of us. There is no one that is perfect in any way. We all have made mistakes and no doubt will make some throughout our lives. There will be times in each and everyone of our lives and has been if we look back on our own lives that we made bad choices.
But also in truth not everything one does as a human is going to be okay with everyone. What is important is rather or not it is right with God. If God is okay with you doing it than what another person thinks does not matter. For in the end there is not one person that can say they have all the answers to life or what will work for all God's people. For not all in life is simple.
Also the next time you think to judge another remember this you may not know their entire story. You may even think you do but do you really? Can you feel what that person feels or have you walked a mile in their shoes?
Even as my former post spoke of bad parenting I in truth am not out to judge. But rather to say as parents we should look inside ourselves when our kids are repeatedly showing bad behavior. All of us parents should ask ourselves did we do something wrong. Did we do something that could of caused or encouraged this. Then if by facing the truth we find we have to take at least some if not all the blame. We need to ask ourselves what are we going to do about it. What are we going to do to fix the mistake.
The same should happen in our lives each and every day in everything in our lives. So often we tend to want to find blame. But not in ourselves. But in others.
I read posts on sights online. I listen to the news, read papers, magazines, etc... A lot of what I see is everyone blaming everyone else for the way the world is today. For the condition America is in today. But I can't help but wonder when are we going to look at ourselves and say could I be part of the problem.
I hear people say they took God out of schools. No, they did not, not fully. We as a nation did to a point. But the reality is this. I went to a school where I was told I was not allowed to pray. Did that stop me, no. God never said you had to pray out loud every single time. You do not need to use your mouth for God to hear. Think it and God will hear it. So what's to stop us from teaching our children to do a silent prayer to God.
Something I read all the time is insult after insult about people who use what many now call entitlement programs. Many are guilty of grouping all these people together. Assuming that all are lazy people who do not want to work. Which is not true. Many are hard working Americans who have given up their pride to do what ever they can to feed and cloth their children and themselves. Many did not plan on hard times coming down on them. They work but it just is not enough. Some can't work. They would like to not be disabled and some even tried to work but just could not. Some never planned on having a child or 2 with disabilities that caused one of the parents to have to be home at all times. Life does not always go as planned. Some may say well why does God let these things happen to these people. For one I believe God has his reasons. Some we may not understand. But faith means believing he has good reasons that he knows better than us.
At the end of the day a person's true value is not how much money they are worth but who they are inside.
I ask that each person reading this instead of judging a person struggling to get by offer to help them. Even if it is just in a small way. Offering to be a free babysitter for a poor mom who could and would work if she had someone to help out with the kids while she worked. Don't judge even if her own wrong choices got her in such a bad way. For we all make mistakes. But I ask of you to instead do what you can to help her and her children. To help her find her way out of the bad situation she is in. Show her that good people do exist still today. Just maybe your good deed will inspire her to do something to change her life and later on down the road inspire her to help another.
We in America have become a nation of what is in it for me. We need to become a nation of what can I do for my neighbor again. Maybe you don't have a lot yourself but still you can do for others. It doesn't always take money to help others. Hold a door open for someone, offer to clean a busy love ones house for them, offer to watch a loved ones or neighbor's child(ren) while they work or go get the groceries. Offer someone you see going hungry food. Give your old clothes, blankets, etc to someone who may need them when you no longer have use for them. Speak up for someone who you know is being harmed but for some reason does not have the voice to do it for themselves.
Yes, part of America's problem is our politicians. At this point it seems they all lie. Most we feel we no longer can count on them at all. Not one of them to keep any promises they make. But we need to remember this is a nation that was found by the people for the people. It is going to take us too. Us meaning the people who live in this land to pull together. To stop saying it's all the politicians fault, it's the poor people's fault, it the rich peoples fault. We need to each look at ourselves. I'll admit I gave up on voting because I do not believe that anyone in politics today is going to make a real difference. They seem to all say what they think the majority want to hear and once in office won't or/and can't follow through. But even if it is true that no one in politics is going to make a difference anymore. Well, that is not an excuse for us as individuals to give up otherwise on each other.
We each may not all share the same beliefs but that does not mean by helping each other we can't make a change. We can. If we want to fix our country, if we want to fix this world we each need to look inside ourselves and ask what can we do to make a difference.
Also for those reborn children of God who are reading this. It's time we realize something for those who have not at this point. You can not force your beliefs or God's word/ways on anyone. Take it from someone who has been on the other side. I have always believed in God but here was a time in my life that I thought he hated me and did not believe in me. No one could convince me otherwise. Only God could reach me in his time. No one trying to force his word or ways down my throat ever managed to reach me.
Another thing we need to stop doing is arguing over God's word, what they say and mean. In truth I have come to realize what they may mean for one in some situations they may not mean for another. God has his reasons I believe why that is. Yes, a good bit of his word means the same for all but some it depends where they are in life. You can not force a new reborn child in God to come to your understanding of his word if you have been a reborn child of God for years. Their just not ready or mature enough in God yet to be at the same place. Especially if that person has yet to go through things that will show them God's way.
So let's as God's children say how can I help and what can I do different so the mistake I made that effected another or myself can be fixed. Or how can I be a good example to others. We're not perfect. We will all fall short and at moments find ourselves judging again. But I pray that when that happens we each hear that voice of God's whispering in our ear telling us it is only his place to judge. When Jesus walked this earth did he not preach and sit among thieves, murders, prostitutes. So instead of preaching in other faces and judging lets us do as Jesus would no doubt want us to do. Lead by example. But remember along with that never try to be more than what you are, human. Be open and let those around you know that you know you are not perfect and you will fall short sometimes. Admit when you know you made a mistake. Let go of your pride and never be above admitting or saying, "I did wrong, I made a mistake and for that I am truly sorry".
As I admit now I have been wrong about some things in the past. For those reading this if I have ever said or done anything that hurt you in anyway I am truly sorry!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
It's hard to not notice that into days world there are so many parents that can't help but make you wonder. Wonder why they can't see what is right in front of them. They question why does my child do this and that. So many bad behaviors. The parents sit and play the blame game. Putting all the blame on others. But not once do they consider that they might be at fault. If not fully at least they share some of the blame.
Yes, I believe in ADHD, ADD, Bipolar, and autism. I have a child myself with autism. But I also believe it is over diagnosed. Also never once did I let my child use her disorder as an excuse for her behavior. Also I realized a long time ago that children learn from example and in many cases children who do truly have these disorders, this is even more true. They tend to be very sensitive and more quickly to pick up what is going on around them. So many times I see children who behave badly and the parents wonder why. Parents are to lead by example. No you don't have to be perfect. But be careful what you as a parent say and do in front of your children. Especially when they are 1-5 yrs. of age. If they hear you cursing, yelling, joking about things. They will learn to do the same. Some say well I tell my child not to do as I do but as I say. At such a young age all a child can see is my mom and dad do it so it must be okay. Kids at that age think their parents can do no wrong. So if my mom and dad do it matter if they say it is wrong or not it can't be wrong. I myself have seen so many parents sit back and giggle/laugh when a child slips out a curse word when little. Than that child reaches an older age and the parent realizes the child is doing this again and again. They are displaying these behaviors at school and the parent(s) get defensive when the teacher tells them their child is acting up at school. The same parent wants to blame everyone else and/or ask why is my child behaving like this. A lot of them not once seem to want to look inside themselves. Yes, it's true that even a child raised in a good home can display bad behavior. But most times it has been proven that it is how the child is raised, especially the first five years of their lives. No child is perfect. So good kids, raised in good homes matter how many times mom and/or dad say don't do as those kids do but as mom and dad have taught you, they will still follow the example of other kids.
Also from my own personal experience that theory if my kid is being bullied tell him to hit back and hit back harder or threaten too does not work out well. I mean I never told my older son that. I always told him to try and walk away but protect himself if need be. Well, he got fed up and fought back. He was always the one seen hitting and got in trouble. The other kids who started it all and did the bullying never got caught. At least not until it got real bad. It took another kid threatening his life and attempting to kill him. My son realized through that he was better off to try and walk away when ever possible and to keep on telling everyone he could that he was being bullied. That in time someone will listen. There are other choices other than hitting back when not need be.
I mean think about it we live in a time when bullying seems to be worse than ever. It use to be normal for boys to fight and to hear name calling. But now days you constantly are hearing about kids killing and making attempts on others lives. Where are our kids learning this. Not just from TV. Yes, we should monitor our kids TV watching, especially at a young age. Which is our responsibility not the entertainment industry. Kids are learning it from parents who they have seen do such behavior. Kids are learning it from parents who say hit back.
I have taught my kids also telling is another good idea because they may be helping this child without realizing it. Maybe this kid behaves this way because they are being mistreated at home and/ or maybe they have something going on like a disorder that no one seems to be seeing. If this is the case by telling a grown up about the bullying they may get the help this child who is doing the bullying so desperately needs.
It seems we have a world loaded with parents who do not want to take responsibility for their young child's behavior. The blame game is not the answer. As a parent when our child(ren) make bad choices we need to look inside ourselves as parents and ask our we at fault at all. For none of us are perfect parents. I have 5 children. One thing I have learned is I will never know it all as a parent. For not all kids can be disciplined the same way. After all children are individuals and parenting is a learning process that tends to start over with each individual child. For what works for one may not work for another. There are some things that the rule applies for all kids but disciplining for one is not one of them. We as parents will slip up. We will make mistakes. Something we should make sure our children know and try to help them understand. I tell my kids I am not perfect. Yes, I know I have made mistakes and will no doubt in the future make a few. What is important is that we learn from our mistakes and make sure our children see that.
I know parenting is harder now than ever in today's world. My mom says she does not envy me having to raise children in today's world. We as adults tell out children don't fight. Even our older ones. Than they turn on the news as teens and hear of wars caused by adults. They hear congress not being able to compromise and all the arguing that is going on in politics. What an example our leaders our making to our children. As a parent all you can do is personally sit a better example. Don't have the TV on so much. Talk to your older children about what is going on in the word today. Even kids as young as 7/8 yrs. old are going to school and hearing about all this.
Things we do with all our children each day is tell them we love them. Spend individual time with them. We also asked them how their day went and if they need to talk to us about anything at all. We stay consistent with how we discipline them. We reward them for doing chores, good behavior and good at school. After all in life don't we usually at some point find we get rewarded for doing good and hard work ourselves usually. I also make sure they have their school work done. Every day of my life God comes first. But along with that so does my family. A value that has all but disappeared in this country. As family values have been put more and more to the way side and more and more kids are growing up with just mom's who are working so much and a few even partying a lot we are raising a generation loaded with kids who are raising themselves and never learn wrong from right. Desperate these type of children are looking for someone's love and attention. So these kids tend make bad choices most the time. Theses kids if never touched by the right person can and many times grow to be destructive themselves and others easy victims for those who would like to bring them harm is some way.
It's up to the adults. Parents and communities alike to take the steps to change how these kids are being raised. I have heard so many times from non believers and believers of God this is my child to raise I will do as I see fit. They feel that they have the right to treat children as they please. Well, they are wrong. God himself has clearly stated bring no harm to a child. That he will punish you. He also gave you this child as a gift. That child matter what you believe is God's first. If you are harming this child in anyway abuse, neglect, not training them up in what is wrong and what is right you are doing them harm. Also this child is not just a gift to you but the world. Yes, it's true if you are doing no harm and trying hard to be the best parent you can be you are doing no harm. It's okay to make mistakes but are you learning from them. But if not someday matter if you believe it are not you will like all other wrongs have to answer for this. For matter if you believe God is real or not does not make a difference in the fact that he is. That aside parents who raise their kids in abuse, neglect, or/and not teaching them wrong from right need to ask themselves someday when their child is raised what type of person do they want or prefer their child to be. One that helps the world or harms it.
God Bless and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Yes, I believe in ADHD, ADD, Bipolar, and autism. I have a child myself with autism. But I also believe it is over diagnosed. Also never once did I let my child use her disorder as an excuse for her behavior. Also I realized a long time ago that children learn from example and in many cases children who do truly have these disorders, this is even more true. They tend to be very sensitive and more quickly to pick up what is going on around them. So many times I see children who behave badly and the parents wonder why. Parents are to lead by example. No you don't have to be perfect. But be careful what you as a parent say and do in front of your children. Especially when they are 1-5 yrs. of age. If they hear you cursing, yelling, joking about things. They will learn to do the same. Some say well I tell my child not to do as I do but as I say. At such a young age all a child can see is my mom and dad do it so it must be okay. Kids at that age think their parents can do no wrong. So if my mom and dad do it matter if they say it is wrong or not it can't be wrong. I myself have seen so many parents sit back and giggle/laugh when a child slips out a curse word when little. Than that child reaches an older age and the parent realizes the child is doing this again and again. They are displaying these behaviors at school and the parent(s) get defensive when the teacher tells them their child is acting up at school. The same parent wants to blame everyone else and/or ask why is my child behaving like this. A lot of them not once seem to want to look inside themselves. Yes, it's true that even a child raised in a good home can display bad behavior. But most times it has been proven that it is how the child is raised, especially the first five years of their lives. No child is perfect. So good kids, raised in good homes matter how many times mom and/or dad say don't do as those kids do but as mom and dad have taught you, they will still follow the example of other kids.
Also from my own personal experience that theory if my kid is being bullied tell him to hit back and hit back harder or threaten too does not work out well. I mean I never told my older son that. I always told him to try and walk away but protect himself if need be. Well, he got fed up and fought back. He was always the one seen hitting and got in trouble. The other kids who started it all and did the bullying never got caught. At least not until it got real bad. It took another kid threatening his life and attempting to kill him. My son realized through that he was better off to try and walk away when ever possible and to keep on telling everyone he could that he was being bullied. That in time someone will listen. There are other choices other than hitting back when not need be.
I mean think about it we live in a time when bullying seems to be worse than ever. It use to be normal for boys to fight and to hear name calling. But now days you constantly are hearing about kids killing and making attempts on others lives. Where are our kids learning this. Not just from TV. Yes, we should monitor our kids TV watching, especially at a young age. Which is our responsibility not the entertainment industry. Kids are learning it from parents who they have seen do such behavior. Kids are learning it from parents who say hit back.
I have taught my kids also telling is another good idea because they may be helping this child without realizing it. Maybe this kid behaves this way because they are being mistreated at home and/ or maybe they have something going on like a disorder that no one seems to be seeing. If this is the case by telling a grown up about the bullying they may get the help this child who is doing the bullying so desperately needs.
It seems we have a world loaded with parents who do not want to take responsibility for their young child's behavior. The blame game is not the answer. As a parent when our child(ren) make bad choices we need to look inside ourselves as parents and ask our we at fault at all. For none of us are perfect parents. I have 5 children. One thing I have learned is I will never know it all as a parent. For not all kids can be disciplined the same way. After all children are individuals and parenting is a learning process that tends to start over with each individual child. For what works for one may not work for another. There are some things that the rule applies for all kids but disciplining for one is not one of them. We as parents will slip up. We will make mistakes. Something we should make sure our children know and try to help them understand. I tell my kids I am not perfect. Yes, I know I have made mistakes and will no doubt in the future make a few. What is important is that we learn from our mistakes and make sure our children see that.
I know parenting is harder now than ever in today's world. My mom says she does not envy me having to raise children in today's world. We as adults tell out children don't fight. Even our older ones. Than they turn on the news as teens and hear of wars caused by adults. They hear congress not being able to compromise and all the arguing that is going on in politics. What an example our leaders our making to our children. As a parent all you can do is personally sit a better example. Don't have the TV on so much. Talk to your older children about what is going on in the word today. Even kids as young as 7/8 yrs. old are going to school and hearing about all this.
Things we do with all our children each day is tell them we love them. Spend individual time with them. We also asked them how their day went and if they need to talk to us about anything at all. We stay consistent with how we discipline them. We reward them for doing chores, good behavior and good at school. After all in life don't we usually at some point find we get rewarded for doing good and hard work ourselves usually. I also make sure they have their school work done. Every day of my life God comes first. But along with that so does my family. A value that has all but disappeared in this country. As family values have been put more and more to the way side and more and more kids are growing up with just mom's who are working so much and a few even partying a lot we are raising a generation loaded with kids who are raising themselves and never learn wrong from right. Desperate these type of children are looking for someone's love and attention. So these kids tend make bad choices most the time. Theses kids if never touched by the right person can and many times grow to be destructive themselves and others easy victims for those who would like to bring them harm is some way.
It's up to the adults. Parents and communities alike to take the steps to change how these kids are being raised. I have heard so many times from non believers and believers of God this is my child to raise I will do as I see fit. They feel that they have the right to treat children as they please. Well, they are wrong. God himself has clearly stated bring no harm to a child. That he will punish you. He also gave you this child as a gift. That child matter what you believe is God's first. If you are harming this child in anyway abuse, neglect, not training them up in what is wrong and what is right you are doing them harm. Also this child is not just a gift to you but the world. Yes, it's true if you are doing no harm and trying hard to be the best parent you can be you are doing no harm. It's okay to make mistakes but are you learning from them. But if not someday matter if you believe it are not you will like all other wrongs have to answer for this. For matter if you believe God is real or not does not make a difference in the fact that he is. That aside parents who raise their kids in abuse, neglect, or/and not teaching them wrong from right need to ask themselves someday when their child is raised what type of person do they want or prefer their child to be. One that helps the world or harms it.
God Bless and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Setting here listening to Christian Rock. Looking over my life at the moment. I know beyond a doubt God is here with us. I have lived through many of his miracle first hand myself. If it was not for him I would not be the person, wife, and mother I am today.
I sit here thinking about where our country(USA) could be heading it makes me sad to a point. But I turn to my faith and knowledge of my own past personal experiences. I know that even if the world falls down around us God will get us through. God has never abandoned me. Not once.
15 yrs. old and suicidal and I thought alone and he was there. He saved me when what I took that night should of killed me. Then again almost 11 yrs. later at the age of 25 almost 26 he saved me again. The docs said I and my baby girl who was still inside me would not survive the night. But we did. Mariah my 15 yr. old daughter is proof that miracles can happen. Then at 27 yrs. of age I met a stranger in a church that did not know me. With a touch and a prayer sent from God I over came my past. All my heart break of a taken childhood do to being abused in so many ways and anger I was holding on to because of it was taken away that night. After 11 yrs. of being a reborn child of God I finally felt his touch and understood that the answer was to give it all to Jesus. My life started to change in so many ways since then. Through all God did for me since that night I tried to take my own life at 15 I came to understand that I was never alone. That when my father threw me into a door when I was 7 that Jesus was there holding me. When a much older family member took my innocence the 1st time when I was 2 and many times after that Jesus was there holding me. That he was there for me through all the abuse. All the beatings I took. He was there also when my father said to me I am sorry for the father I was. He was there to help me as I fought to forgive him. He has been there when I fought to forgive those who abused me that are either not sorry or in denial that they ever did so. He has taught me how to pray for them. He has shown me how my father became the man he was until about a yr. and half before he died. My father passed away as a reborn child of God. His last words were I see Jesus, =) Was told after our last lose of a baby that we could not have anymore and that another pregnancy would kill me. July of 2012 God gave us a baby girl and after a rough pregnancy and rough delivery that ended n a C-section I to survived. At the time of her birth finances we starting to look down. a week after her birth she became ill do to a bad infection she had been born with they believe. But our baby girl survived. It was during that hospital stay that my hubby was informed that there was a job opening at the hospital that was perfect foe him. He got the job. It meant he got to switch shifts so that he could/can spend more time with his children and much better pay. No more just getting by.. Some times God's miracle or blessings come from the strangest places. Our daughter got better and because of that hospital stay our financial lives changed. We are now in better financial shape than we ever have been, not rich. But dong much better in that way. But we know beyond a doubt God was at work there.
God has been there with all my loses. My father, a close friend who past when I was only 18 from cancer, 6 baby angels, my mother-n-law.
He was there for me and my mom when my one brother who had made bad choices for his life fought for his life. He was even there for my brother who against the odds survived. Which the docs even say is a miracle.
Yes, I have seen people who's lives seem to always be catching up with them and all seems to fall apart. But the one common thing they have is no faith in God/Jesus or they have doubt.
True faith has no doubt.
I have faith that matter what happen to this countries future God will not abandon his children.
As for ones that think he has. Watch the ones who truly have faith. Watch those who do not. A true child of God, not one who just claims to be will find away to weather the storm no matter what. One who has faith does not worry about their future. One who has true faith fears nothing. For through God/Jesus there is nothing to fear. For a true believer gives their life and soul to God. Death to this life is not the worse thing to face. The worse thing is to not choose God. For only through God can one have eternal life. Knowing that with God one is given eternal life if one chooses God there is no death to fear. Because our true self/ our soul can not die. Through God I fear nothing. Through my past I know I know through God I can handle anything that comes my way. Even death to this life. Even when inevitably another one of my loved one leaves this life. Even the lose of my 6 unborn children who now live in heaven. For I know someday we will meet at heaven's gates.
Also for me I also refer to God as my father in my every day life at this point. I now understand I have two fathers in life. God the father in heaven. Then there is the father he gave me to here on earth to raise me and take care of me as a child. The first one is always there no mater what.
So my advice to all is run to God in good and bad times. As our country may be getting ready to face some really hard times. I will tell others have faith turn to God and he will get you through this.
I sit here thinking about where our country(USA) could be heading it makes me sad to a point. But I turn to my faith and knowledge of my own past personal experiences. I know that even if the world falls down around us God will get us through. God has never abandoned me. Not once.
15 yrs. old and suicidal and I thought alone and he was there. He saved me when what I took that night should of killed me. Then again almost 11 yrs. later at the age of 25 almost 26 he saved me again. The docs said I and my baby girl who was still inside me would not survive the night. But we did. Mariah my 15 yr. old daughter is proof that miracles can happen. Then at 27 yrs. of age I met a stranger in a church that did not know me. With a touch and a prayer sent from God I over came my past. All my heart break of a taken childhood do to being abused in so many ways and anger I was holding on to because of it was taken away that night. After 11 yrs. of being a reborn child of God I finally felt his touch and understood that the answer was to give it all to Jesus. My life started to change in so many ways since then. Through all God did for me since that night I tried to take my own life at 15 I came to understand that I was never alone. That when my father threw me into a door when I was 7 that Jesus was there holding me. When a much older family member took my innocence the 1st time when I was 2 and many times after that Jesus was there holding me. That he was there for me through all the abuse. All the beatings I took. He was there also when my father said to me I am sorry for the father I was. He was there to help me as I fought to forgive him. He has been there when I fought to forgive those who abused me that are either not sorry or in denial that they ever did so. He has taught me how to pray for them. He has shown me how my father became the man he was until about a yr. and half before he died. My father passed away as a reborn child of God. His last words were I see Jesus, =) Was told after our last lose of a baby that we could not have anymore and that another pregnancy would kill me. July of 2012 God gave us a baby girl and after a rough pregnancy and rough delivery that ended n a C-section I to survived. At the time of her birth finances we starting to look down. a week after her birth she became ill do to a bad infection she had been born with they believe. But our baby girl survived. It was during that hospital stay that my hubby was informed that there was a job opening at the hospital that was perfect foe him. He got the job. It meant he got to switch shifts so that he could/can spend more time with his children and much better pay. No more just getting by.. Some times God's miracle or blessings come from the strangest places. Our daughter got better and because of that hospital stay our financial lives changed. We are now in better financial shape than we ever have been, not rich. But dong much better in that way. But we know beyond a doubt God was at work there.
God has been there with all my loses. My father, a close friend who past when I was only 18 from cancer, 6 baby angels, my mother-n-law.
He was there for me and my mom when my one brother who had made bad choices for his life fought for his life. He was even there for my brother who against the odds survived. Which the docs even say is a miracle.
Yes, I have seen people who's lives seem to always be catching up with them and all seems to fall apart. But the one common thing they have is no faith in God/Jesus or they have doubt.
True faith has no doubt.
I have faith that matter what happen to this countries future God will not abandon his children.
As for ones that think he has. Watch the ones who truly have faith. Watch those who do not. A true child of God, not one who just claims to be will find away to weather the storm no matter what. One who has faith does not worry about their future. One who has true faith fears nothing. For through God/Jesus there is nothing to fear. For a true believer gives their life and soul to God. Death to this life is not the worse thing to face. The worse thing is to not choose God. For only through God can one have eternal life. Knowing that with God one is given eternal life if one chooses God there is no death to fear. Because our true self/ our soul can not die. Through God I fear nothing. Through my past I know I know through God I can handle anything that comes my way. Even death to this life. Even when inevitably another one of my loved one leaves this life. Even the lose of my 6 unborn children who now live in heaven. For I know someday we will meet at heaven's gates.
Also for me I also refer to God as my father in my every day life at this point. I now understand I have two fathers in life. God the father in heaven. Then there is the father he gave me to here on earth to raise me and take care of me as a child. The first one is always there no mater what.
So my advice to all is run to God in good and bad times. As our country may be getting ready to face some really hard times. I will tell others have faith turn to God and he will get you through this.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Today I thought I would just tell more about myself.
I grew up in small town America. A town that is not as small anymore as it was when I was a child in more ways than one. I was not raised in the best situation. I come from a family in which there was abuse, alcoholics, and drugs addicts. Growing up my father thought his job was to beat us into listening. To never say he loved us. My mom while meant well having lived in some form of abuse her entire life could not see really how bad things really were and still does not ill this day. Growing up I was a victim of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
I was the girl in school that never fit in. But than again I never really tried to. I grew up feeling for many years there was no escape from the hate that surrounded me. I found it at home in my own family and then I'd go to school and there it was again.
As a teen to very few peoples knowledge I became suicidal. I had always believed in the existence of God but at that point in my life I truly believed that not even God cared about me. One night I took some pills that later I learned should of killed me. But instead somehow miraculously I slept for 2 days. What I do remember during that time is this. Hearing a voice that said, "Why are you here", as I was in some dark void. I said To the voice I want to die why do you care. He said, "Because he does". I was like I want my daddy to love me and the only way he will is if I am gone. That no one loves me. The voice said I love you. I asked the voice who he was. He said I am the son of God, Jesus. I have come to tell you that it is not your time. You are meant for more. I asked him if he loved me where was he when my dad beat me and when those older boys touched me. He showed me my past life and showed me as I hid in a corner in fear of my father that he Jesus held me. He showed me that when my father beat me so bad when I was 12 that I could not get out of bed for 2 wks. that he covered my body so the beating would not hurt as bad as it could of. He showed me several such situations in my life. He told me he has always been there and always will be. I was 15 almost 16 then.
Just a few wks later I told my mom I want to go back to church. At 16 I accepted Jesus as my savoir. My life did not change drastically at that point but my heart slowly did. I knew that if nothing else or no one else loved me at least God did.
My father eventually realized the error of his ways. He told me when I was 23 that he was sorry for all he had put me through. My father also found God finally.
I still had some issues I had to deal with. I wanted to forgive my father but did not know how to. I wanted to forgive all those who had hurt me as a child. I wanted to be a survivor not a victim. When I was 24 we found out my father had cancer. In less than a yr. he passed away from having multiple heart attacks. He suffered greatly but swore on his death bed with his last words that he saw Jesus.
But yet I was angry. I had felt robbed of my childhood. My father passed 3 days before my 25 birthday. The day of his funeral I learned I was pregnant with baby number 3. I would prove to not be ready emotionally for another child yet. She is the one child I suffered with Post postpartum depression with. When she was 6 mth. old I had a nervous break down. I fell completely apart. I saw several types of docs to deal with it all. They all agreed that as a child I had lived hell on earth. They said they believe I had suffered from depression from at least 11 yrs. old on up. That there was no cure for it. They said I would have to take meds. and therapy the rest of my life. I took the pills and all that for the next 2 yrs. But nothing helped.
But than one night at a evening Church service there was a guest speaker. I took my oldest daughter with me because this man was known to be a great preacher. He offered to pray over people. I went to the front of the church for him to pray over my oldest daughter who had been sick since birth and we had yet to learn with what. I was about ready to experience something that I only ever dreamed of doing so. I had started to think that God would never touch me in such away. But I was wrong. When I walked up to the preacher he put his hands on me. I said no pray for my daughter. He said no it is not her time. God has sent you here to me for a reason. He wants you to know he knows of all your suffering. No one there that night could have told this man about my past. But he knew of it all. He started to spout off all the abuse and hurt I had been feeling for so long inside. He asked me to give it to God. He said it was what was holding me back. That I had done everything right when it came to my faith but one thing. I had to let it go and give it to God. That he is freely offering to take it off my shoulders and put it onto his. I started to let it go. I realized in that moment that I had been living in fear and holding on to my past. That God was asking for nothing but for me to let it go and put my past and my future in his hands completely. I cried for 2 hours that night. But at the end I felt washed/relieved of all my hurt and anger.
God has taught me so much, =) He has taught me how my curse of a childhood as some may see it is actually a blessing. It made me the person I am today. A Loving mom who puts her children and hubby before all else except for God. He has showed me miracles in good and bad times. He has shown me what a true blessing my life is. He has taught me how to forgive. He has showed me how to drop my pride.He has taught me that each and everyone of us are important in this life. That it doesn't matter what we do for a living our lives us being here makes a difference. That the stay at home mom, the janitor, doctor, teacher all have their place in this life and all are equally important to this world.
In my life I have lived many miracles through God. At 25 when I had that 3rd child I became very ill while pregnant. The docs said neither of us would make it through. But we did. I was told after our 3rd lose after our youngest son that we would never have anymore children. We had a baby girl since. My hubby was raised an atheist he accepted God into his life a few yrs. back. There has been times when we thought how are we going to pay a bill or get by and some how the finances came. God has blessed my life in so many ways. I am forever grateful and humbled by his love. I have seen and lived the proof that God is REAL and will always be there for anyone who just lets him. He ask for nothing in return to give you his love. But I promise you if you find him truly you will want to give him so much and do all you can to live as he would want you too. After all he knows better than anyone what truly brings happiness and a blessed life.
I grew up in small town America. A town that is not as small anymore as it was when I was a child in more ways than one. I was not raised in the best situation. I come from a family in which there was abuse, alcoholics, and drugs addicts. Growing up my father thought his job was to beat us into listening. To never say he loved us. My mom while meant well having lived in some form of abuse her entire life could not see really how bad things really were and still does not ill this day. Growing up I was a victim of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
I was the girl in school that never fit in. But than again I never really tried to. I grew up feeling for many years there was no escape from the hate that surrounded me. I found it at home in my own family and then I'd go to school and there it was again.
As a teen to very few peoples knowledge I became suicidal. I had always believed in the existence of God but at that point in my life I truly believed that not even God cared about me. One night I took some pills that later I learned should of killed me. But instead somehow miraculously I slept for 2 days. What I do remember during that time is this. Hearing a voice that said, "Why are you here", as I was in some dark void. I said To the voice I want to die why do you care. He said, "Because he does". I was like I want my daddy to love me and the only way he will is if I am gone. That no one loves me. The voice said I love you. I asked the voice who he was. He said I am the son of God, Jesus. I have come to tell you that it is not your time. You are meant for more. I asked him if he loved me where was he when my dad beat me and when those older boys touched me. He showed me my past life and showed me as I hid in a corner in fear of my father that he Jesus held me. He showed me that when my father beat me so bad when I was 12 that I could not get out of bed for 2 wks. that he covered my body so the beating would not hurt as bad as it could of. He showed me several such situations in my life. He told me he has always been there and always will be. I was 15 almost 16 then.
Just a few wks later I told my mom I want to go back to church. At 16 I accepted Jesus as my savoir. My life did not change drastically at that point but my heart slowly did. I knew that if nothing else or no one else loved me at least God did.
My father eventually realized the error of his ways. He told me when I was 23 that he was sorry for all he had put me through. My father also found God finally.
I still had some issues I had to deal with. I wanted to forgive my father but did not know how to. I wanted to forgive all those who had hurt me as a child. I wanted to be a survivor not a victim. When I was 24 we found out my father had cancer. In less than a yr. he passed away from having multiple heart attacks. He suffered greatly but swore on his death bed with his last words that he saw Jesus.
But yet I was angry. I had felt robbed of my childhood. My father passed 3 days before my 25 birthday. The day of his funeral I learned I was pregnant with baby number 3. I would prove to not be ready emotionally for another child yet. She is the one child I suffered with Post postpartum depression with. When she was 6 mth. old I had a nervous break down. I fell completely apart. I saw several types of docs to deal with it all. They all agreed that as a child I had lived hell on earth. They said they believe I had suffered from depression from at least 11 yrs. old on up. That there was no cure for it. They said I would have to take meds. and therapy the rest of my life. I took the pills and all that for the next 2 yrs. But nothing helped.
But than one night at a evening Church service there was a guest speaker. I took my oldest daughter with me because this man was known to be a great preacher. He offered to pray over people. I went to the front of the church for him to pray over my oldest daughter who had been sick since birth and we had yet to learn with what. I was about ready to experience something that I only ever dreamed of doing so. I had started to think that God would never touch me in such away. But I was wrong. When I walked up to the preacher he put his hands on me. I said no pray for my daughter. He said no it is not her time. God has sent you here to me for a reason. He wants you to know he knows of all your suffering. No one there that night could have told this man about my past. But he knew of it all. He started to spout off all the abuse and hurt I had been feeling for so long inside. He asked me to give it to God. He said it was what was holding me back. That I had done everything right when it came to my faith but one thing. I had to let it go and give it to God. That he is freely offering to take it off my shoulders and put it onto his. I started to let it go. I realized in that moment that I had been living in fear and holding on to my past. That God was asking for nothing but for me to let it go and put my past and my future in his hands completely. I cried for 2 hours that night. But at the end I felt washed/relieved of all my hurt and anger.
God has taught me so much, =) He has taught me how my curse of a childhood as some may see it is actually a blessing. It made me the person I am today. A Loving mom who puts her children and hubby before all else except for God. He has showed me miracles in good and bad times. He has shown me what a true blessing my life is. He has taught me how to forgive. He has showed me how to drop my pride.He has taught me that each and everyone of us are important in this life. That it doesn't matter what we do for a living our lives us being here makes a difference. That the stay at home mom, the janitor, doctor, teacher all have their place in this life and all are equally important to this world.
In my life I have lived many miracles through God. At 25 when I had that 3rd child I became very ill while pregnant. The docs said neither of us would make it through. But we did. I was told after our 3rd lose after our youngest son that we would never have anymore children. We had a baby girl since. My hubby was raised an atheist he accepted God into his life a few yrs. back. There has been times when we thought how are we going to pay a bill or get by and some how the finances came. God has blessed my life in so many ways. I am forever grateful and humbled by his love. I have seen and lived the proof that God is REAL and will always be there for anyone who just lets him. He ask for nothing in return to give you his love. But I promise you if you find him truly you will want to give him so much and do all you can to live as he would want you too. After all he knows better than anyone what truly brings happiness and a blessed life.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Had a good workout today. For those who know me they know I am big on fitness and health. For those who do not know me so well they may not know why. Or rather how I became so passionate about such things. It started out kind of slow with me realizing after I had my 3 oldest children I had left myself go. But once my mother-n-law passed at just 63 yrs. of age due to not taking care of herself I realized how important is was to do so. I had a battle in front of me I was 28 yrs. old and had 70 lbs. to lose. I started out by not dieting but changing how I ate and slowly becoming more and more active again. I started out with walking. Eventually I got back into jogging. I bought tapes, watched videos on line. I used things from different routines to make my own routines. Learned ways to incorporate my children into my workouts when need be. I constantly am reading up on ways to keep healthy. Finding any way possible to keep active. I have had several pregnancies since with bed rest included and had to take some weight back off. But I managed to lose the weight I had to lose after those 3 children and also manage to lose the weight after each pregnancy with in a yr. I am now in the process of getting the weight back off from a pregnancy I had end in July 2012. I have learned many tricks to do so and have a baby to take care of. First off you most eat healthy at least 95-99 % of the time. I reward myself with a splurge once a mth. I have also learned to make things like cookies healthier and w ith much less calories.
My workout routines now include:
1. Walking(wearing wrist weights and wearing the baby on me at times too)
2. Bike riding
3. Jogging (wearing wrist weights)
4. Dancing
5. Weight lifting ( using free weights and also using baby as a weight)
6. Yoga
7. Aerobics
I have found that variety works best to keep working out fun and to lose the weight and keep it off.
I also count calories.
For me it is about being healthy. Looking good is a side bonus. I also am not big on worrying about six pack abs. I personally am content with being toned and flat abs. I had six pack abs after getting back in shape in my late 20's. I look at my pics from back then and hate them. Also not all women can get them matter what they do. I find to many people set unrealistic goals for themselves and many times for the wrong reasons. Working out to just look hot is not enough. It should be about getting healthy and/or maintaining ones health.
My workout routines now include:
1. Walking(wearing wrist weights and wearing the baby on me at times too)
2. Bike riding
3. Jogging (wearing wrist weights)
4. Dancing
5. Weight lifting ( using free weights and also using baby as a weight)
6. Yoga
7. Aerobics
I have found that variety works best to keep working out fun and to lose the weight and keep it off.
I also count calories.
For me it is about being healthy. Looking good is a side bonus. I also am not big on worrying about six pack abs. I personally am content with being toned and flat abs. I had six pack abs after getting back in shape in my late 20's. I look at my pics from back then and hate them. Also not all women can get them matter what they do. I find to many people set unrealistic goals for themselves and many times for the wrong reasons. Working out to just look hot is not enough. It should be about getting healthy and/or maintaining ones health.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Setting here watching my hubby play with our youngest child, our baby girl. She is such a blessed gift. I still find myself in shock at times that she is here.
You see it's been a long battle to get her here. Back in 2006 we decided it was time to add one more child to our family. After a year of trying I finally got pregnant. At 18 almost 19 wks. My doc realized there was no heart beat. So on Jan. 11, 2008 Dillion was born into heaven.We considered not trying again. My heart was broken. This was not the first child we lost. We had 4 children already. I had lost one many yrs. before. Before the birth of our oldest. We also lost a little boy at 19 almost 20 wks. pregnant on Dec. 7th, 2002. Before we had had our youngest son. But we decided to try one more time. I got preg. again and lost the baby as fast as I found out I was pregnant for sure. I lost the baby at 6 wks. Then we decided to try again. It was not easy. I myself refused to lose hope that we would get pregnant again and this one would make it. In 2009 I got pregnant again. I went in for my 17 week check up. The baby was so active they could not get a heartbeat. But I had a strange feeling something was wrong. That appointment was on a Friday. They told me to come back Monday to check for a heartbeat. Saturday I felt no baby movement. Sunday I felt no baby movement. I went in that Monday praying that what I suspected just was not so. But they tried for 20 mins. to get a heart beat. No heart beat. I had going through labor with 2 of my former loses.They didn't want me to have to go through another if not need be. So I had her by D&C. The thing is the pain of labor I now know actually helped me get through those loses a little easier. It was something for me to hold on to. Also the ones I delivered I got to hold and say goodbye to. So on September 29, 2009 we said hello and goodbye to Danika (a baby girl). Once again we considered giving up. But we refused once again to lose our faith in God. So In 2010 I got pregnant again. Everything seemed to be going fine. I was getting ready for my 1st visit to a specialist. They did my first Ultrasound at 17/18 wks. I thought the baby was fine. But as they started the ultrasound they discovered something that even shocked them. The baby had passed. They told us he passed just in the past 24 hrs. I told my hubby never again. I felt broken more and more each time. Once again I went through 12 hrs. of labor to have a baby that was not going to be alive. After 12 hrs of labor. I felt a pop like I had with the others I had delivered so small and in such away. I yelled for the nurses thinking the baby had come. But both nurses looked at me in shock and just said no it's not the baby. They quickly got the doctor in there and right before he came in the room the baby came out. He tried for 20 mins. to get the placenta out. It was the most painful thin I had ever felt. I had no idea why at the time they were trying to avoid a D&C to get the placenta out. I kept passing out. They in the end decided they had no choice but to do a D&C. They told my hubby that they could not keep me awake. They told him I was hemorrhaging and things were not looking good. For 2 hours he feared I may have passed away. I made it through but we both decided that it was not meant to be. That we would always feel that whole in our hearts; Like our family was not complete. Because for some reason we still felt like our family was meant to have 5 children. On June 10, 2010 we said hello and goodbye to Austin. Not once in all those deliveries did Ia sk for pain meds. I wanted to feel all the pain. It's hard to explain but I needed the pain to have something to hold on to that was connected to our little ones.So we agreed no more babies.
Then something inside of us in 2011 in October one night told us to put it in God's hands. I prayed afterwards to God. I asked him only let this happen if this one is going to make it. I told God I can't go through another loss. Looking back now My hubby and I realize a few things. For one we were not ready for another child especially financially back then. We have spent the last few yrs. Getting ourselves out of debt.
This last pregnancy was loaded full of test, shots,2-3 ultrasounds every week. A few hospital stays. Some close calls that we thought we were going to lose her. We discovered early on in the pregnancy that the placenta was to small and the cord was not working right. She stopped growing for a short time. For most of the pregnancy I was put on bed rest. I was put on weekly shots to prevent me from going into labor to soon.
At 39 weeks I was to be induced. But the day before labor started. After going back to the hospital and sent home several times, they finally decided to keep me. I wasn't in hard labor yet. But was to be induced in the morning and they feared with my history something could go wrong in the night. Well they were right.A few mins. before 11 the contractions suddenly got very painful. So the nurses checked me. They we like you are 8 cm. dilated and we feel digits. They called the doctor. All I heard was we feel digits. She had been head down for 4 wks. now! I was like how could this happen. I also heard she's hemorrhaging . They told me I had to have a c-section. I was so scared. I have a history of GERDS so they had to give me meds to deal with that so I would not get sick during the c-sections. The meds made me sick instead. My hubby has issues with well certain situations. So going into the OR with me was not a possibility. But the anesthesiologist was amazing. He stood by me and got me through the entire thing. When Vyanna came out I was so scared. She didn't cry for a few mins. Failed her 1st tests. Then suddenly she cried. It took time but she became more alert.
We had a scare when she was about a wk. old discovering that she had been born with some probs with her umbilical cord and it had going into her kidneys. But she fought hard just like she did in the womb. She is a strong girl. So far she shows no signs of any of the delays they feared she might have. Actually she is showing quiet the opposite. She smiled at 2 days old. Laughed 1st time at 1 mth. old. Rolled completely at 2 1/2 mths. Started holding a bottle at 4 mths. old. Started crabbing the spoon out of my hand and putting it in her own mouth at 5 mths. old.started giving kisses at 5 1/2 mths. old.
Our other children adore her. I will never forget the ones we have lost. Forever I will be a mother of 11 children. Five who are here and 6 who God needed in heaven. I now understand as hard as it was to lose the ones we lost it was all for a reason. God knows better than us what is for the best.
Every time I look at our baby girl Vyanna I am amazed and feel so blessed that God has given us one more child to bring up in this world. For me if I do nothing else with my life but be the best mom and wife I can be that will be enough. For I now understand what a blessed gift it is to have my family that God has brought into my life.
God also shortly after Vyanna's birth reminded us as a family that even bed things can be a blessing in disguise. When Vyanna was in the hospital with her infections at a week old one of the nurses in pediatrics told my hubby about a job in the hospital. My hubby checked into it and now has worked for the company for almost 5 mths. It's a much better paying job. It also has hrs. that means he can spend more time with our children.
The one thing I hope others get from this is that children are a blessed gift that could be going tomorrow or could of never been given to us in the first place.To make the most of every day they are here with us. Also to remember this. Our children our not just ours. They are a gift from God. They are his first. That we should spend every day thanking him for the honor that he chose us to raise and love even one of his children.
You see it's been a long battle to get her here. Back in 2006 we decided it was time to add one more child to our family. After a year of trying I finally got pregnant. At 18 almost 19 wks. My doc realized there was no heart beat. So on Jan. 11, 2008 Dillion was born into heaven.We considered not trying again. My heart was broken. This was not the first child we lost. We had 4 children already. I had lost one many yrs. before. Before the birth of our oldest. We also lost a little boy at 19 almost 20 wks. pregnant on Dec. 7th, 2002. Before we had had our youngest son. But we decided to try one more time. I got preg. again and lost the baby as fast as I found out I was pregnant for sure. I lost the baby at 6 wks. Then we decided to try again. It was not easy. I myself refused to lose hope that we would get pregnant again and this one would make it. In 2009 I got pregnant again. I went in for my 17 week check up. The baby was so active they could not get a heartbeat. But I had a strange feeling something was wrong. That appointment was on a Friday. They told me to come back Monday to check for a heartbeat. Saturday I felt no baby movement. Sunday I felt no baby movement. I went in that Monday praying that what I suspected just was not so. But they tried for 20 mins. to get a heart beat. No heart beat. I had going through labor with 2 of my former loses.They didn't want me to have to go through another if not need be. So I had her by D&C. The thing is the pain of labor I now know actually helped me get through those loses a little easier. It was something for me to hold on to. Also the ones I delivered I got to hold and say goodbye to. So on September 29, 2009 we said hello and goodbye to Danika (a baby girl). Once again we considered giving up. But we refused once again to lose our faith in God. So In 2010 I got pregnant again. Everything seemed to be going fine. I was getting ready for my 1st visit to a specialist. They did my first Ultrasound at 17/18 wks. I thought the baby was fine. But as they started the ultrasound they discovered something that even shocked them. The baby had passed. They told us he passed just in the past 24 hrs. I told my hubby never again. I felt broken more and more each time. Once again I went through 12 hrs. of labor to have a baby that was not going to be alive. After 12 hrs of labor. I felt a pop like I had with the others I had delivered so small and in such away. I yelled for the nurses thinking the baby had come. But both nurses looked at me in shock and just said no it's not the baby. They quickly got the doctor in there and right before he came in the room the baby came out. He tried for 20 mins. to get the placenta out. It was the most painful thin I had ever felt. I had no idea why at the time they were trying to avoid a D&C to get the placenta out. I kept passing out. They in the end decided they had no choice but to do a D&C. They told my hubby that they could not keep me awake. They told him I was hemorrhaging and things were not looking good. For 2 hours he feared I may have passed away. I made it through but we both decided that it was not meant to be. That we would always feel that whole in our hearts; Like our family was not complete. Because for some reason we still felt like our family was meant to have 5 children. On June 10, 2010 we said hello and goodbye to Austin. Not once in all those deliveries did Ia sk for pain meds. I wanted to feel all the pain. It's hard to explain but I needed the pain to have something to hold on to that was connected to our little ones.So we agreed no more babies.
Then something inside of us in 2011 in October one night told us to put it in God's hands. I prayed afterwards to God. I asked him only let this happen if this one is going to make it. I told God I can't go through another loss. Looking back now My hubby and I realize a few things. For one we were not ready for another child especially financially back then. We have spent the last few yrs. Getting ourselves out of debt.
This last pregnancy was loaded full of test, shots,2-3 ultrasounds every week. A few hospital stays. Some close calls that we thought we were going to lose her. We discovered early on in the pregnancy that the placenta was to small and the cord was not working right. She stopped growing for a short time. For most of the pregnancy I was put on bed rest. I was put on weekly shots to prevent me from going into labor to soon.
At 39 weeks I was to be induced. But the day before labor started. After going back to the hospital and sent home several times, they finally decided to keep me. I wasn't in hard labor yet. But was to be induced in the morning and they feared with my history something could go wrong in the night. Well they were right.A few mins. before 11 the contractions suddenly got very painful. So the nurses checked me. They we like you are 8 cm. dilated and we feel digits. They called the doctor. All I heard was we feel digits. She had been head down for 4 wks. now! I was like how could this happen. I also heard she's hemorrhaging . They told me I had to have a c-section. I was so scared. I have a history of GERDS so they had to give me meds to deal with that so I would not get sick during the c-sections. The meds made me sick instead. My hubby has issues with well certain situations. So going into the OR with me was not a possibility. But the anesthesiologist was amazing. He stood by me and got me through the entire thing. When Vyanna came out I was so scared. She didn't cry for a few mins. Failed her 1st tests. Then suddenly she cried. It took time but she became more alert.
We had a scare when she was about a wk. old discovering that she had been born with some probs with her umbilical cord and it had going into her kidneys. But she fought hard just like she did in the womb. She is a strong girl. So far she shows no signs of any of the delays they feared she might have. Actually she is showing quiet the opposite. She smiled at 2 days old. Laughed 1st time at 1 mth. old. Rolled completely at 2 1/2 mths. Started holding a bottle at 4 mths. old. Started crabbing the spoon out of my hand and putting it in her own mouth at 5 mths. old.started giving kisses at 5 1/2 mths. old.
Our other children adore her. I will never forget the ones we have lost. Forever I will be a mother of 11 children. Five who are here and 6 who God needed in heaven. I now understand as hard as it was to lose the ones we lost it was all for a reason. God knows better than us what is for the best.
Every time I look at our baby girl Vyanna I am amazed and feel so blessed that God has given us one more child to bring up in this world. For me if I do nothing else with my life but be the best mom and wife I can be that will be enough. For I now understand what a blessed gift it is to have my family that God has brought into my life.
God also shortly after Vyanna's birth reminded us as a family that even bed things can be a blessing in disguise. When Vyanna was in the hospital with her infections at a week old one of the nurses in pediatrics told my hubby about a job in the hospital. My hubby checked into it and now has worked for the company for almost 5 mths. It's a much better paying job. It also has hrs. that means he can spend more time with our children.
The one thing I hope others get from this is that children are a blessed gift that could be going tomorrow or could of never been given to us in the first place.To make the most of every day they are here with us. Also to remember this. Our children our not just ours. They are a gift from God. They are his first. That we should spend every day thanking him for the honor that he chose us to raise and love even one of his children.
Friday, January 18, 2013
I am going to start off my blog by going into a little more about who I am. I have 5 children.
1st is 19 almost 20 a girl. She has had epilepsy all her life. Her seizures were undercontrol for a few yrs. But they are coming back. She also has the mind of a 7/8 yr. old child. She also has hand tremors that prevent her from ever being able to work at this point. She also is believed to maybe have autism.
Next is our soon to be 18 yr. old son. He is a very hard working student. He is getting ready to graduate High School. He loves technology.He has mild asthma.
Then there is our 15 yr. old daughter. She has learning delays but other wise is your basic teen girl. She loves photography and music.
4th there is our 9 yr. old son. He has severe asthma, is under going some medical testing to test for other issues because of issues he has been dealing with.
5th is our baby girl 6 mths old in a few days. There is a long story behind her. I will blog about it in the future.
We also have 6 baby angels in heaven. I will blog about this and our struggle to have our youngest 2. I want to share what I have learned in life through my life experiences. I believe that it may help another and feel drawn to let others know we have all been there at the bottom. I will also share my joys in life too. I will share how I have learned many a life lesson. I will share my thoughts on many a things. God Bless and enjoy. I will try to get on here at least 5 days a wk. if not more and post something.
1st is 19 almost 20 a girl. She has had epilepsy all her life. Her seizures were undercontrol for a few yrs. But they are coming back. She also has the mind of a 7/8 yr. old child. She also has hand tremors that prevent her from ever being able to work at this point. She also is believed to maybe have autism.
Next is our soon to be 18 yr. old son. He is a very hard working student. He is getting ready to graduate High School. He loves technology.He has mild asthma.
Then there is our 15 yr. old daughter. She has learning delays but other wise is your basic teen girl. She loves photography and music.
4th there is our 9 yr. old son. He has severe asthma, is under going some medical testing to test for other issues because of issues he has been dealing with.
5th is our baby girl 6 mths old in a few days. There is a long story behind her. I will blog about it in the future.
We also have 6 baby angels in heaven. I will blog about this and our struggle to have our youngest 2. I want to share what I have learned in life through my life experiences. I believe that it may help another and feel drawn to let others know we have all been there at the bottom. I will also share my joys in life too. I will share how I have learned many a life lesson. I will share my thoughts on many a things. God Bless and enjoy. I will try to get on here at least 5 days a wk. if not more and post something.
What this blog is about
This blog is a blog that I will basically blog about what ever is on my mind and about things that have happen in my life. I will also blog about life lessons on here.
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